


Touched by Fire

by belovedplank



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Epic, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Self-Harm, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2017-11-10 14:08:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/467167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belovedplank/pseuds/belovedplank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark is self-harming as a way to deal with the depression caused by being parted from his soulmate.<br/>Will Clark tell the person he loves how he feels or martyr himself to an unhappy life; because there is no way the person will love him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This fic would never have been continued had it not been for RogueSpike, greensloven, dianehc, bonnysprite and rose_etta, all of whom encouraged me - and all of whom deserve credit for more or less anything good in this, because they have written chunks of it!  
> They are absolute stars and wonderful people, and I thank God that I know them.  
> *squishy hugs*

_I’m an alien._

_I’m totally alone in the world._   _I know I sound like a typical angsting teen, but when I say no-one understands, I can say it, because there are parts of my life that no one **could** understand, not even my parents._ _And that’s depressing enough, in and of itself._ _That a 17 year old boy – sorry **alien** actually thinks his parents could understand?!_

 

_I’m just sick of **this**._ _My very existence._ _Trying to be perfect. The perfect son, friend, student._ _Pining after the perfect girl._ _Seeming so…normal._ _When I know, deep down, that’s the **furthest** thing I could ever be and I’m far from perfect.  A perfect son wouldn’t kill his sibling, hurt his mom, run away for the summer and become a fucking ' **rentboy'** (not that the ‘rents **know** about that) and cause his father to have a fucking **heart attack**!_

 

_Perfect friends don’t lie. They don’t base entire friendships on lies._

_They don’t lie about abilities that they **obviously** have. They don’t destroy their friends’ cars! They don’t allow their ' **Best Friend'** to go into a mental institution and remain there, undergo electro-shock treatment for a mental illness he doesn’t have, all to protect their own **fucking secret**!_

 

_Pete. Sweet, simple Pete. I felt like such a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I told him. That didn’t last long. My secret is a burden to all who carry it and I’m capable of carrying that burden. I have to be. But Pete shouldn’t have to try and shoulder that responsibility. He even gets that. We’re drifting apart. Further than we already were. The hardest thing is, Pete may be my oldest friend and I trust him, but I don’t know if I wanted to trust him with my life – with my secret. No, I know I didn’t want to tell him. I **had** to. There’s a difference._

 

_Chloe. Conniving, cute little Chloe. Always digging. Never realised how much her ‘Wall of Weird’ haunts me. How could she? I couldn’t tell her. Ever. I love her, she’s my friend, but I’d never trust her with my secret. I could never be sure that it wasn’t too big of a story for her to keep quiet. Better to end up losing her as a friend than trusting her with my secrets, but she keeps secrets too. She lies. Digging into my adoption. Working for that **bastard,** Lionel Luthor. _

 

_Then there’s Lana. Sweet, ‘innocent’ perfect Lana. The girl I’m ‘supposed’ to be in love with. I’ve fooled everyone into thinking I’m enthralled by her – even her. Yet the more I got to know her, the further the illusion of perfection faded and the more I begun to realise that she was nothing. No substance, just…blah._

_Now, that’s the last thing I could say about Lex._

_Alexander Joseph Luthor._

_My Best Friend._

_One of the World’s Most Eligible Bachelors._

_And I’m in love with him._

 

_Yes! I know! Ridiculous huh?_ _Hey! I’m a big gawky Alien from a planet so far away it no longer exists! Lets top that off by being gay, ok?!_

_That’s the final nail in my coffin of anti-perfection._ _A perfect son wouldn’t be gay._

 

_But I can’t help it._ _Ever since I met him, I felt drawn to his presence. Even when we argue, my heart is racing with love for him. Sometimes I think it’s easier to be away from him, easier to hide. But my need for him is so strong, too strong for me to stay away. And it kills me a little more everyday._ _Because he is so beautiful, so dynamic, intelligent, brilliant, and thousands of other things too numerous to mention. He’s far from perfect in the conventional sense, but he’s the perfect person for me._

 

_LEX is the only one I’ve ever really really wanted, felt compelled, to tell my secret to. After all that he has done for me, against his Luthor indoctrination, he is my friend, and a great friend at that! He **knows** that I lie, and it breaks my heart every time I have to do so. Dad makes it all so much harder with his vocal abuse of all things Luthor. Sometimes I seriously want to deck him. To scream and shout ‘BUT I LOVE HIM!’ But that will never be._ _The illusion must be maintained in public._ _The mask of perfection must remain in place._ But _only with Lex do I ever really * **feel** *._ _A feeling that will forever go unrequited._ _Not that I would ever tell him, but he is far too good for me – like the farmer’s son aiming to win the heart of the prince. Destined never to be. But when he says we have a destiny, I believed him. False hope is a painful thing._

 

_Pain. That is a feeling I have finally found._

_Yes, I have found a non-meteor related way._

_The pain stops the thoughts._

_Physical pain blocks out the mental._

_So, in my barn, my fortress of solitude, I sit, and I cause pain to block pain. I burn. And I feel. I finally truly FEEL._

_I am at peace._

 

 

Clark placed the journal facedown beside him on the sofa, before focusing his eyes on his bare arm. If anyone had been present to look closely, his eyes glowed red, as he stared intently at his arm. Which sizzled and reddened, as it began to burn.

 

Stripes of burnt flesh down both arms (glad of the decreasing temperature of the coming winter to excuse his long sleeves), his legs – particularly the top of his thighs. Bright red, throbbing, strips of sore, raw skin. Until finally, he’d had enough, and slipped into unconsciousness - a smile gracing his lips as he did so. For only in his dreams was his existence ever pain-free and happy, as there, he was with Lex.

 

******

 

Lex allowed the car to roll for the last couple of yards up the driveway, not wanting to disturb the elder Kents – not really wanting them to know he was there.

As the car coasted to a stop just before the barn, Lex looked up as he got out, half expecting Clark to be standing at the barn window, as he usually was whenever Lex came over. However, no Clark.

 

Lex frowned momentarily, before shrugging as he quietly made his way into the barn, hoping, for once, to be able to catch Clark off-guard.

 

However, even Lex, with his ever-thinking mind constantly devising scenarios of how things may happen, could never have imagined the sight awaiting him.

 

“Clark!” he cried, racing up the last of the stairs and over to the unconscious body of his best friend.

 

Although they never spoke of it, Lex knew that there was something ‘special’ about Clark – which seemed to include near invulnerability, so, the sight of an unconscious Clark, arms and legs covered in burns, was a serious shock to him.

 

However, Lex’s knowing gaze was quick to realise that these burns were conveniently placed, and very precise.

 

Swallowing back tears, Lex ran a hand through Clark’s hair and over his cheek. “God Clark, why?”

 

When Clark didn’t even stir at the touch, Lex began to panic: ‘What should I do? Call Martha? – no, this is self-mutilation, Clark won’t want his mother to know. Why is he doing this? What’s wrong with his life? I always thought it was kinda perfect – perfect family, perfect girl, so why this?’

 

Lex shook himself out of his panic – ‘This isn’t helping! And Luthors don’t panic! Luthors always maintain an outward façade of calm.’

 

Taking a deep breath, Lex calmed himself down – until he once again looked over at his burn-covered farmboy.

 

Frozen momentarily, Lex just stared down at the unconscious form of – he had only recently accepted – the most important person in his life.

 

Clark shifted slightly, and groaned a little at the pain the friction caused the burns. At that, Lex finally jolted out of his stupor, and ran down to the stairs, rooting out the first-aid kit he *knew* was kept there. Finally finding it, he grabbed the tube of burn cream, and flew back up the stairs. Racing over to his friend, Lex only noticed his hands were shaking when he unsuccessfully tried to wrestle the cap off the tube.

 

Placing the cream on the coffee table, Lex paced up and down the loft, taking deep breaths as he did so. Once he was sure that he had stopped shaking, he sat on the coffee table in front of Clark, and once again went to open the burn cream.

This time, he was successful, and set to work.

 

It barely took 5 minutes to apply the cream to the burns – and although the first application made Clark start, he did not awaken. However, it did seem to soothe him after that, as he appeared to have actually fallen asleep now, rather than being totally unconscious.

 

There may have been nothing else Lex could do concerning Clark and these burns, but there was no way Lex was going to leave without an explanation. However, neither did Lex have the heart to wake Clark up – after seeing him in such pain, the peace in which he now slept made Lex abhor the thought.

 

Lex went back to his car, grabbed a pen and paper, his palm pilot, his phone (put on vibrate), a bottle of water, and a blanket, before returning to the loft. Placing everything on the table, it was then he realised that the only seating was the couch on which Clark slept. Lex had deduced that he would be there some time, and anyway, he was Lex Luthor – there was no *way* he was sitting on the floor!

 

So very carefully, Lex pulled Clark’s upper body slightly from the couch, and sat in the space created, gently placing Clark’s head in his lap. Picking up his palm pilot he went to start reading the reports saved on there (might as well do some work if he was going to be awake). As he did this, his free hand was unconsciously running through Clark’s hair – a move that resulted in a sigh of contentment from the younger man, who snuggled further into Lex’s lap.

  
Lex started slightly at this, blinking when he realised what he was doing. However, the look of contentment and peace on Clark’s face was enough to bring a slight smile to Lex’s own, and, running his hand lightly across Clark’s cheek, he smiled down at his best friend, feeling safe enough to reveal his feelings in that loving gaze, knowing there was no one there to witness, before returning to his reports, his free hand once again immersed in Clark’s soft sable locks.

 

However, after attempting to work for a good five minutes, Lex eventually gave up – he was too worried about Clark to concentrate fully on the pages of numbers that he should have been reading. Looking around the loft, Lex strived to find something – anything that would take his mind off his best friend. His eyes alighted upon the notebook laid flat on the table, and curious, Lex leaned over and picked it up. Turning the book over to the open pages, Lex looked down, to see what it was exactly. He recognised his best friend’s handwriting straight away, and went to put the diary (as he now knew it was) back as he found it – when the sight of his own name stopped him. Curious as to what Clark had written about him, he was going to read it, but his worry for Clark and his well-being made him consider Clark’s last thoughts to be of more importance, and turned his attention to the last thing Clark wrote:

_Pain. That is a feeling I have finally found._

_Yes, I have found a non-meteor related way._

_The pain stops the thoughts._

_Physical pain blocks out the mental._

_So, in my barn, my fortress of solitude, I sit, and I cause pain to block pain. I burn. And I feel. I finally truly FEEL._

_I am at peace._

 

Lex was visibly shaken after reading this. He had known logically what had occurred the moment he saw Clark, but knowing something in his head, was different from realising it in his heart – which Clark’s journal entry managed.

 

OK, so Clark was doing this to himself – Lex understood the concept of blocking mental pain with something else – his clubbing days were a prime example of this, as was his own foray into self-harm after his mother passed. However, what Lex could not understand was what this mental pain actually was. To him, Clark had always had pretty much a perfect life – great friends, fabulous parents who adored him and were there for him, he did well in school – he may not have stood out in any way, but he got by. What was there in Clark’s life that caused him so much pain that he would turn to self-mutilation? In Lex’s mind, that was the ultimate question – a question that he knew he would find an answer to in Clark’s diary.

 

But why not just wait and ask Clark?

 

Well, Lex may count Clark as his best friend, but this does not mean that he was blind to Clark’s faults. From the very beginning, the only real point of contention between the boys was the lies – on Clark’s part more than Lex’s. Lex was a Luthor, he had been raised to be duplicitous, not to show emotion. Regardless, he was more open and honest with Clark than he had been with anyone since his mother died. And Clark repaid him by lying to his face – and not even very well!

 

These were the thoughts going through Lex’s head as he questioned reading Clark’s diary, and each thought just seemed to justify it. Settling back into the sofa, his last thought before he immersed himself totally in the book was ‘Well, I’ve read it anyway, I might as well see what he really thinks of me’.

 

He knew he had seen the word ‘Luthor’ written in Clark’s tiny print, but he was surprised to be referred to as ‘Alexander Joseph Luthor’ – he had not even known that Clark knew his middle name.

 

Seeing his name only made him all the more curious to read what was written – until he realised, that it ended a paragraph that began with Lana. He assumed that the diary was full of lovelorn Lana-related angst, but he needed to know why he was in the same train of thought as Lana - even if it was at the end.

 

_Then there’s Lana. Sweet, ‘innocent’ perfect Lana. The girl I’m ‘supposed’ to be in love with. I’ve fooled everyone into thinking I’m so in love with her – even her, but the more I got to know her, the further the illusion of perfection faded, and the more I begun to realise that she was nothing. No substance, just…blah._

_Now, that’s the last thing I could say about Lex._

_Alexander Joseph Luthor._

 

Lex blinked.

 

He’s not in love with Lana? Thank god for that! I knew he was too intelligent to think there was anything to her! But why try to fool me? I mean, I’m a Luthor, far from perfect – especially by this town’s standards, so why did he feel that he had to maintain the façade?

 

In order to answer this question, he would have to carry on reading.

 

_My Best Friend._

_One of the World’s Most Eligible Bachelors._

_And I’m in love with him._

 

He double-blinked.

 

In fact, he loudly proclaimed, in a rather un-Luthorlike fashion, “Say What?!” and dropped the book – hitting the head of the owner – which was still in his lap.

 

******

 

Being hit on the head is enough to wake anyone – even someone who was in a sleep resulting from a state of unconsciousness caused by multiple burns.

 

As Clark’s eyes blinked open he realized he was lying on someone’s lap. A lap with some pretty expensive pants on. His head jerked up and his eyes went wide when he saw Lex sitting there, looking down at him with concern and something else he was trying to cover up.

 

“Lex!” Clark pushed himself into a sitting position and tried to control the mixed feelings of fear and happiness at seeing his friend. “Um, hi. What are you doing here?”

 

Desperately hoping his super healing abilities had worked quickly; he chanced a glance to his arm. The red marks were still there, though they weren’t as visible as before.

 

“I came by to see you,” Lex answered, as calm as ever. “I found you covered in burns.” Concern broke through the calm again and Clark could have sworn he saw tears shining in Lex’s eyes. “Why, Clark?”

 

Clark went to open his mouth, to lie yet again, when he saw something in Lex’s hand. Anger suddenly overran any other emotion and he snatched the diary away from a suddenly guilty looking Lex.

 

“Why do you have this?!” Clark shouted, brandishing the diary angrily at him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lex said quickly. “I thought maybe I could find why you hurt yourself in it.”

 

A horrible, twisted feeling clenched at Clark’s gut as he thought ‘What if he read the whole thing? What if he knows I love him? What if he knows my secret??’

 

“So you went through my DIARY?” Clark yelled. “This stuff is personal! How much did you read?”

 

Lex didn’t answer. Instead, with a single, miserable look to Clark, he just stood and left the barn.

 

*******

 

Clark stared down the stairs a long time after Lex had left. Finally sinking down onto the couch, he ran his hands through his hair before burying his face in his hands. What was he going to do now?

 

Yes, he wanted Lex to know his secret. But *he* had wanted to tell him. He hadn’t wanted to find his best friend looking through his personal feelings. Mind swirling with mixed thoughts and emotions; Clark reached for the diary again.

 

_How dare he?! How DARE HE?!?!!!!_

_I, well ok, I guess I kinda went overboard with the burns – I passed out._

_Problem: I left my diary out in full view on the table, and who should find me but Lex!_

_I’m an Idiot!_

_I have THREE *really* big secrets; the burns, the alienness and the Lex-love. 3 secrets that LEX in particular, must not find out! 3 secrets that are described in excruciating detail in this very book!!_

_And so, Lex walks in and finds me unconscious on the sofa, and what does he do? He reads my diary!!!_

 

Clark paused his writing, and looked down at himself, at his arms. Starting to feel bad for lashing out at Lex, he once again picked up his pen.

 

_OK, that’s not strictly true. Thanks to Lex, I’m in a lot less pain than I usually am after a session – Lex tended to my arms, put cream on all the burns. Also, when I wake up after doing the ‘burn thing’, I’m usually forcing myself not to scream in pain, but tonight? There was no stiffness; I woke up to the feeling of fingers running gently through my hair, and a comfortable presence. Lex._

_Lex was worried about me. I’m the only real friend he has in this town, and he finds me unconscious in the loft, with burns on my arms – what else is he gonna do but worry?! I know Lex thinks I have it made – I may not have his money, but I know he envies me my family, my friends. But Lex doesn’t know about the hard things in my life – how hard it is to keep up the façade, to protect the secrets he so desperately desires to know. So of course, he couldn’t understand why, and he needed to know – not just because he was curious, but because I am his friend and he was scared!_

 

With that, Clark took a deep breath, and let go of all the anger he had felt at Lex for reading his diary.

 

_Now, Lex **still** shouldn’t have looked in my diary, he **ought** to have waited till I woke up and asked me then, but he didn’t, so I must move on and focus on the now._

_Lex read my diary – what did he read? What does he know – if anything?_

_The reasoning behind the burning? Is something he deserves to know, something that I want to tell him regardless._

 

_If I’m honest, if he knows about the alien thing, I’d be relieved – even though Dad would go MENTAL._

 

_But if its about my feelings for him? That would break my heart, because I know that even if he is attracted to men – if he **is** even a little attracted to me, he still wouldn’t return my feelings. Not because he is not capable of love – far from it, but because Lex is such a strong person, he deserves someone better than me – a human, a girl – not a self-harming self-pitying alien! _

 

*******

Meanwhile, Lex had stopped in front of his car, taking a moment (and a few deep breaths) to try to collect his thoughts, and to consider the possible ramifications of what had occurred, the discovery he had made about his best friend.

 

//He’s in love with me.// Lex thought for what he thought must be the millionth time since leaving the barn. // _Clark_ is in love with _me_.//

 

“At what point did I leave reality?” Lex asked the sky.

 

The sky did not answer. Lex felt a strong need to glare at it but kept it in check.

 

Except…if he had left reality then wouldn’t it be okay? Lex chuckled quietly at the thought as he finally got into the car and headed towards the mansion.

 

To his great relief his father was nowhere to be found. He headed straight for the good bottle of brandy and poured himself a large measure before tossing it back. He automatically reached for another but decided against it. He needed to think, and thinking wouldn’t be too easy if he kept drinking.

 

Lex put down the glass and went to sit at his desk. For a moment he fiddled with the edge of the laptop sitting there, then he opened it and clicked on something on his desktop before he began typing.

 

_I went to see Clark today and found him in the barn with burns all over his arms and legs. He did it to himself, but why? What does Clark have in his life that drives him to that point? Everything seems so…perfect to me._

_It must be that secret that he thinks he’s hiding so well. I know his parents know it and I am fairly certain Pete knows as well. Why won’t he tell me? It can’t be that bad, and he knows I would never tell anyone…doesn’t he?_

_Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he thinks I’d exploit him. But could he be in love with me and not trust me? Or, being Clark, maybe he thinks it would be a burden._

_Burden. I’ve got enough of those, what’s one more? I think it would be easier to bear knowing it was told from trust and from a friend._

_Love. Clark Kent loves me. It must be true then. I’d have to be in a different reality for Clark to fall in love with me. A Luthor. Then again, he’s never seen me as a Luthor. Just as Lex. That is part of what draws me to him – the fact that he looks past the freakish exterior, sees through the arrogant façade I create, and ignores the shadow of Lionel that hangs over me as his heir._

 

_I have always strove to ensure I would not lose Clark’s friendship, as I know I will never have such a loyal and true friend. And in doing so, I have had to hide my true feelings for him._

_From the moment I woke up, soaked and shivering at the riverside, with an angelic-faced dripping wet Adonis leaning over me, I knew that I would never see another person so beautiful – and I haven’t._

 

_However, he was also a child – a high school student, in comparison to me – a 21 year old running a business. The fact that he was male could get me into enough trouble in rural Kansas – but a minor? Even a Luthor would find it hard to escape a paedophilia charge. So, however attracted I was, a friend was all I could consider Clark to be – at least for now. 3 years have since passed – Clark is pushing 18 – no longer a minor, but I am no longer willing to risk the friendship that we have. I know I could not lose the best friend I have ever made – that relationship means more to me than any attraction I may feel for him. My curiosity over his secrets was almost enough to break the bonds we had built – how was I to know whether or not revealing my true feelings would shatter them irrevocably?_

_Regardless as to the reasons for keeping my emotions to myself (aside from the obvious – that I’m a Luthor, and thus should never show emotions), it appears that I need not have done, as they are returned. But what now? In order to discover this titbit of information, I invaded my best friends privacy – I read his *diary* for fucks sake! And I still did not find out what I wanted to know - *why* is my best friend self-harming?_

_That is the most important thing._

_Clark considers me his best friend, and I now know what he’s been doing. He may be angry with my for invading his privacy – and he deserves an apology for that (which I *will* give him), but I also need him to understand that it was only my worry for him that drove me to do such a thing, and that he needs to talk to someone. I – being the only other person who knows about what he has been doing to himself, am the most obvious candidate. I’ll cope with him being angry with me, as long as he will let me help him through this!_

 

Pushing himself away from the desk, Lex knew he had to go back to the Kent Farm – regardless of what had happened earlier, Clark’s well being was more important than anything else, and he had to help his best friend.

 

Locking the word document, he closed down the laptop, and walked slowly out of the mansion, determined that he would sort out his friends mental state – maybe then, they could discuss the possibility of anything more between them.

 

Nervousness settled into Lex’s stomach as he climbed back into his car. He chose to ignore it as he turned the key and smashed the gas pedal down, hoping the speed would whip the feeling right out of him.

 

He tried to slow down and not screech to a stop like he normally would when he reached the Kent Farm, not wanting Clark to hear. It would give him time to run if he wanted, and Lex had no intention of letting him get away just yet.

 

Quietly, Lex walked into the barn and slowly up the stairs. Clark was standing with his back to Lex, looking through his telescope. For a few ridiculously long seconds Lex stood at the top of the stairs and watched. Then he cleared his throat, making Clark jerk away from the telescope and turn in surprise.

 

Anger flashed in Clark’s eyes when he saw whom it was, making Lex want to flinch - but he held his cool composure. Walking further in, Lex said firmly, “We need to talk.”

 

Clark stood and took a few steps towards Lex, making him wish he’d just stayed sitting. It was easier to be firm with Clark when he could temporarily forget how much bigger Clark was.

 

“So you know,” Clark said in a low voice that made Lex’s skin crawl. When had Clark become so…scary?

 

“Yes,” Lex nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me, Clark? I could have helped you sooner.”

 

“Oh, you could have helped me? Helped me how?”

 

“We could have gotten you professional help before it got so out of hand, or—“

 

Clark interrupted with something very close to a growl. “So I need help with it? What, you think that’s something that can just be fixed?”

 

Okay, now Lex was confused. “Well of course it can, Clark. You just need the right help is all. Even if you weren’t willing to go to someone with experience I could still help you.”

 

“You think someone’s got experience with this?”

 

This answer only served to make Lex’s confusion grow. “Of course. Lots of people have experienced this sort of inner turmoil. It’s just that most of them cut themselves, instead of burning.”

 

Clark blinked and some of the anger was replaced with surprise, but Lex didn’t notice as he tried to get in his apology before Clark could overrun him again.

 

“Look, I’m sorry I read your diary, Clark, but I was really concerned about you and thought it might hold the answers,” Lex explained. “Can you forgive me?”

 

For a moment Clark didn’t answer, then he nodded slowly. “Yeah. I forgive you. And I’m sorry I got so angry, I know you were just worried about me.”

 

Lex nodded, relaxing slightly and allowing a smile onto his face. “For a minute there it sounded like you thought I read something else.”

 

“Well I haven’t been able to add mind reading to my list yet, you know,” Clark quipped.

 

Lex frowned. “To your list of what?”

 

Clark’s face paled and he quickly put on that fake smile he used when he was about to lie. “Nothing. Just joking.”

 

Lex’s eyes narrowed slightly. “To your list of what, Clark? I can’t help you if I don’t know everything and I think this has something to do with it.”

 

Panic filled Clark’s eyes and Lex thought someone really needed to teach Clark how to hide his emotions if he wanted to keep hiding this. “Nothing, really. I was just kidding. What kind of list would I have anyway?”

 

“You tell me,” Lex said slowly. “What kind of list would you have, Clark?”

 

For a moment there was silence as Clark struggled to find the right lie, so Lex started filling in the blanks.

 

“Alright, Clark, we’re going to do it this way. I’ll say something. If it’s right, nod, if it’s not, shake your head. Okay?”

 

Clark bit his lip, then nodded slowly.

 

“Okay,” Lex thought back for a moment before saying “You’re always there when someone needs help, seemingly out of nowhere. Either you can run really fast or teleport, I’m guessing running.” He paused and got another slow nod. “Things around people you’ve helped have been mysteriously torn off or smashed or just plain broken in half. Things that people shouldn’t be able to do those things to. So I’m thinking you have more strength than most people. A LOT more.” Another nod.

 

Lex paused again before continuing. “You’ve found things even the police can’t find. You were able to tell me that my watch wasn’t in the room that time I lost it in under a minute. Can you see through things?”

 

When Clark spoke his voice was shaky and slightly cracked, “Anything except lead.”

 

Lex tried to keep the shakiness from his own voice as he spoke again. “The only time I’ve ever seen you weak is around meteor rocks. Which makes me think you’re not a meteor mutant?”

 

Clark shook his head.

 

Lex took a deep breath. “Clark? Did you come with the meteors?”

 

“Yes,” the word was spoken with so much tight worry that, even as the information slammed into Lex, he felt the need to comfort Clark. He held it back, though, and instead placed slightly shaking hands on the railing.

 

“You came with them,” Lex said, his voice holding a tone of awe. “You’re an alien.”

 

Clark turned sharply and quickly grabbed his chair. Lex thought he was going to sit down but instead he slid the chair towards Lex. Lex gratefully sat down.

 

“That’s not all I can do,” Clark said softly, eyes locked to the floor now. “I can light things on fire with my eyes and sometimes I can fly.”

 

Two things clicked together with this information; the night he’d found Clark lying in the middle of the highway and the burns on Clark’s arms and legs.

 

“God, Clark,” Lex stood again and reached out to put a hand on Clark’s shoulder. Clark looked surprised but didn’t move. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I’m sorry, I wanted to, but Dad kept telling me you’d tell someone or experiment on me or something and it kept putting doubts in my head and I didn’t want to burden you with something like that either or make you look at me differently,” Clark babbled. “Are you looking at me differently?”

 

/No/ Lex thought. /That’s the strangest part/

 

“No,” Lex answered. “I mean, a little. You just told me you’re an alien. You’re not human. But…you’re still Clark Kent. So no, not really. You just…you have to tell me everything, Clark. What you can do and what you know about the meteors.”

 

Clark’s eyes narrowed slightly and he asked, “What’ll you do with this information?”

 

“Help you,” Lex said simply. “And you’ll also answer some questions.”

 

Clark nodded slowly. A tiny smile crept onto his face. “You’re really not seeing me any differently. Much different, I mean.”

 

Lex shook his head slowly. “No. Just Clark. But we still need to talk about you burning yourself.”

 

Clark looked down at his feet, ducking his head in shame. “I-I’m sorry. I know that it’s stupid, it’s just that, sometimes I just feel like I’ve literally got the weight of the world on my shoulders – I have all these powers, but every day I have to lie, and to hide in order to keep myself and my family safe. I’m the only one capable of stopping the meteor mutants – but its my fault they’re here in the first place, I’m responsible!”

 

Lex was ready to interrupt at that, needing to reassure his friend, but he knew that Clark had to let everything out, let him realise for himself the reasoning behind what he has been doing.

 

“But I feel so bad and I couldn’t talk to anyone – my parents don’t understand and I didn’t want to worry them. I, I just wanted the pain to go away. I’ve never really felt real pain – ‘cept for when I lost my powers and broke my ribs, but, but the first time I burnt myself – accidentally, when I was working on controlling the heat vision, all my feelings – everything, it was like I just whited out. The only thing I could feel was the burn. No worry, no guilt, no pain – just the physical pain of the burn.”

 

Lex put his hand to Clark’s cheek, and tilted his head – forcing Clark to look up, into Lex’s eyes. “Firstly, I’m sure your parents have said this to you before, but the problems caused by the meteor shower are just that – problems caused by a meteor shower, not from you!! So you came down with them – does that mean that a baby being born in California just before an earthquake there is to blame for its occurrence? Of course not! Just like it is not the fault of a baby sent to Earth if the ship drags some debris along with it.”

 

Clark tried to look back at the floor again but Lex jerked his head right back up. “And I will tell you that every day if I need to until you believe me. OK?”

 

After a moment, Clark realised Lex was waiting for an answer, so he slowly and silently nodded his head.

 

“Secondly, your parents may not understand – and I appreciate you not wanting to worry them, but I would have understood had you confided in me.”

 

Seeing the pained look appear in Clark’s face at that comment, Lex realised how barbed the comment had been taken. “I’m not trying to guilt you here Clark, I’m just saying that I would have – and do, understand how you feel – because I have felt the same way.”

 

And Clark’s confused and questioning gaze, Lex took a breath before explaining. “You see Clark, when my mother died, I felt worthless, a shell, like there was no reason for me to exist – feelings which were underlined by my father’s treatment of me. The fact that I blamed myself partly for my mother’s death – something which my father never attempted to dissuade me of, was also a large contributor to how I felt. And thus, I wanted this pain, the grief and guilt of my mother’s death, and the complete lack of self-worth, to go away. So I started to cut myself.”

 

Clark gasped, and gazed intently at his friend – as if looking for something. Lex knew immediately what Clark was searching for, and he stepped back as he started to unbutton his shirt. “Well, you have commented before on how you’ve never seen me in short-sleeves? Well, this is why.”

 

Turning to place his shirt over the back of the chair, Lex turned back to Clark, arms outstretched, and gestured at his upper arms. Along both arms – particularly the undersides, were the faint white marks that were all that remained.

 

Clark gasped once again and, eyes full of tears, walked up to his best friend, who breathed in sharply as Clark ran his fingers gently over every scar, before pulling Lex to him and wrapping his arms around him _._ Relaxing into the still rather tight embrace, Lex started to explain.

 

“After my mother passed away, Lionel moved me from the English boarding school she had chosen, and placed me in Excelsior Prep. A private school for the rich and gifted, it should have been the perfect place for the son of a successful businessman. But not only was I a bald-headed freak, I was the freak in classes with peers two years older than me, who came from ‘new money’. Still over-wrought with grief, I didn’t much care about my lack of friends, but the sheer amount of trouble I was getting from my classmates meant that I ended up being roomed with the only boy who wasn’t giving me trouble – a young man by the name of Bruce Wayne.

Bruce did not care about my appearance - we share a passion for the sciences, which meant that I actually followed his theories. If it was not related to our education, Bruce was not much of a talker – he had been orphaned at 10, unfortunate enough to actually be standing with his parents, as they were both shot by a mugger. So, if anyone was going to understand what I was going through, it was Bruce. He has this scary ability to read people – sometimes it feels like he actually can read your mind. He had never came right out and said he knew what I did, but he knew. He always made sure that we had soothing balms, bandages, cream, band-aids – anything I may have needed to recover, but he still never confronted me about anything…until…”

 

Lex’s eyes clouded over as he relived the experience that resulted in the halt of his self-harming. Seeing the pain in his best friend’s eyes, Clark tilted Lex’s head up and looked directly into his eyes as he cuddled him closer and whispered, “It’s OK Lex, I know what you’ve got to say is hard. Take as long as you need.”

 

Touched by Clark’s reaction, Lex took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of pure Clark before stepping back and placing a hand on Clark’s cheek with a soft smile.

 

“Thanks Clark, that means a lot. Lets take a seat, and I’ll tell you the rest.”

Clark nodded and led Lex over to the ratty sofa, settling himself before pulling Lex alongside him and snuggling in. Smiling softly at the affectionate means by which Clark attempted to reassure him, Lex squeezed Clark’s hand before continuing with his explanation.

 

“Well, the first Christmas without Mom – lets just say that Lionel made it far from a happy occasion. I came back to school tremendously depressed – the only thing I wanted was my knife.

 

Well, the first evening back, Bruce had yet to arrive from Gotham, so I just sat there, knife in my hand, going over everything that had happened over the holidays, and I never felt more worthless. I started cutting – I cut and cut, not just restricting myself to my upper arms anymore.

The blood was trickling down both arms and all over my sheet when Bruce walked in. He immediately threw his bags down and took my knife – which I never got back, now I think about it. Then he tended to me – bathed, soothed and creamed my arms – bandaging my right wrist, gave me some sleeping tablets and put me in his bed.

When I awoke in the morning, it was to a spotless room, and a lecture…

 

‘ _Look Lex, I, more than anyone, understand what you’re feeling since you lost Lillian. So, I was willing to overlook the self-harm, since I knew you would only take it so far. However, almost committing suicide? Is too far.’_

 

‘ _I wasn’t trying to-‘_

 

‘ _Maybe not consciously, but still. Lex, if I hadn’t come back when I did, you would be dead right now. You know that. Both of us also know that there’s no way that you would talk to a shrink about this, so…’_

 

‘ _No offence Bruce, but you’re not exactly the emotional type’…_

 

Which is true. But Bruce’s version of help was more physical. He started to teach me martial arts and self-defence. By the time next Christmas rolled round, I felt better about my appearance and my worth. I had stopped cutting – and however bad things got, I have never done it again.”

 

Lex’s explanation cup hath runneth over, and he looked up at Clark, trying to gauge his reaction.

 

Clark’s face was a mix of surprise and anger. Lex tensed slightly, almost afraid that the anger was directed at him - but a small smile from Clark quickly eased the fear.

 

“Sorry, I’m just really mad at your father,” Clark explained. “I mean, how could he do that to you? Just let you think…and not do anything to help…”

 

“Because that’s how my father is, Clark,” Lex told him softly. “He probably saw it as a test.”

 

For a moment there was silence as Clark absorbed all this. A gentle hand came up and absently stroked Lex’s scalp and Lex found himself leaning into the soft touch.

 

“It kinda surprised me,” Clark started after a moment. “I mean, you always seem so cool and controlled. I never thought of you losing control like that.”

 

Lex tilted his head so he could see Clark and wasn’t all that surprised to see a fearful look in his friend’s eyes.

 

“Don’t worry, Clark,” Lex said quietly. “I’ll never do anything like that again.”

 

Clark nodded. “Sorry. It seems really selfish, me asking you not to do it again but here I am…”

 

“Clark, it’s okay. Really,” Lex twisted slightly so he could fully face Clark. “Just promise me something. Whenever you have the urge to do it, call me first, okay?”

 

Clark hesitated, the look in his eyes telling Lex he didn’t want Lex to have to go through that, but slowly he nodded. “I promise.”

 

“Thank you,” Lex lifted his other arm to wrap his friend in a hug, immersing one hand in Clark’s soft locks as Clark buried his face in his neck.

 

Clark wrapped his arms around Lex, inhaling the scent that was just innately him. However, as he did so, with his hands rubbing Lex’s back, it suddenly registered with both men that they were both shirtless. Their hands froze for a moment, Clark loosening his grip on Lex’s waist as he slowly brought his head up – Lex moving his hands to cradle Clark’s head as he did so. Their eyes met, and they froze again, before both of Lex’s hands immersed themselves in Clark’s hair as Clark’s hands cradled Lex’s hips. Lex lifted his head slightly just as Clark began to lower his.

 

Their lips were inches away from each other when…

 

“Clark! Dinner!”

 

They quickly backed away from each other at the sound of Martha’s voice. Patting his chest, Clark reached over the back of the couch and grabbed his shirt, throwing Lex his as Martha started up the stairs.

 

“I saw Lex’s car outside, so I’ve set another place incase you wanted to stay for di-dinner, Lex.” Martha’s voice faded out as she reached the top of the stairs and was met with the sight of her son, hair all askew, looking guilty as he shoved his diary in his desk drawer, and Lex Luthor with his shirt untucked, fastening the last few buttons.

 

“Mrs Kent, this really is not what it appears to be.”

 

Martha raised a dubious brow in Lex’s direction, which lowered as she noticed the unmistakeable redness of his eyes, and the gleam that spoke of an emotional confrontation of some sort. Seeing the exact same things reflected in the face of her son, her expression softened – something that Clark noticed immediately, sending her a slight smile before walking up behind Lex and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“I believe you Lex. I know that you both exchanged words earlier, and I’m just glad that the two of you seem to have sorted yourselves out – although obviously not without some upset.”

 

Lex looked down, embarrassed at the thought that his emotions were so obvious.

 

She stepped back to meet her son’s eyes as she added, “I would just like to know what has upset my son, and why he could not talk to us about it.”

 

Clark looked down at his feet guiltily for a moment before turning his gaze to Lex. Martha just watched, as they seemed to have a conversation with their eyes, ending with Lex giving the hand on his shoulder a squeeze before Clark stepped away to retrieve his diary.

 

Diary in hand, Clark gestured to his mother to precede them down the stairs. Looking pointedly at the notebook in his hands, she crossed her arms and waited for an explanation.

 

Clark opened and closed his mouth several times – he had not had to explain what he had done to Lex, because Lex had caught him. So how on earth was he meant to explain it to his mother?! Lex saw the look on Clark’s face and stepped in.

 

“It’s a necessary part of the explanation Martha. The thing Clark and I have been discussing concerns Clark’s confidence and sense of self, apart from anything else. Thus, what better way to explain than by using the format in which he releases his thoughts and feelings? I think this is going to be a difficult discussion, and I know that it is one Clark does not particularly want to repeat, so would you mind terribly if we waited until after dinner, and explained everything to you and Mr. Kent together?”

 

Martha glanced at her son – the troubled look on his face and his desperate grip on Lex’s shirtsleeve persuaded her. “Of course dear. Just give me a moment to have a word with Jonathon while I dish out the dinner, and we’ll discuss everything over a good meal – you need some good food in you dear boy!”

 

With a wry smile acknowledging the comment about his weight (or lack thereof) Lex nodded and Martha hastened back into the house. She had barely reached the front steps when Lex turned back to Clark, ready to be calm and reassuring, only to see Clark following his mother with his eyes, a soft smile on his face.

 

Lex took the hand from his shirtsleeve and allowed his own to be swallowed within it as he said softly; “Now that’s what I like to see – a smiling Clark.”

 

Clark squeezed his hand gently, his smile remaining even as his gaze moved over to the man standing before him. “She likes you. I’m glad – and she wouldn’t dare mention your weight unless she knew you liked her too.”

 

Lex smiled back, as they made their way towards the house. “Yes, I adore your mother – well, who wouldn’t? You’re very lucky to have her – even if she does spend the majority of her time in my presence trying to fatten me up!”

 

“That’s just part of who Mom is Lex. I really am glad she likes you though, makes things a lot easier – especially now.” And there it was. The look of panic, worry and fear Lex had been trying to avoid.

 

So, heedless of the fact that they were now standing in the middle of the Kent’s driveway – where anyone could drive past and see, Lex wrapped his arms around Clark, knowing that it was physical reassurance that would calm Clark the most.

Clark responded immediately, wrapping his own arms around Lex in return, burrowing his face in Lex’s neck and taking several slow deep breaths as Lex murmured soft assurances that everything was going to be all right.

 

Martha stepped out onto the porch to call the boys in, and at the sight before her she nodded determinedly. In that moment, she accepted Lex’s place as a permanent part of their life. “Come on in boys! Dinners on the table!”

 

As they reached the door, Clark took another deep breath in preparation. Lex took his hand and squeezed gently, and whispered, “Look Clark, whatever happens, I am here. And I’ll be with you every step of the way. I’ve got your back, ok?”

 

Smiling down at the man he was just beginning to realise meant the world to him, Clark nodded slightly, before pushing open the door and walking in, Lex not two steps behind.

 

*******

 

Jonathon said nothing as the two boys took their seats (although Lex could see by the look on his face that it was an effort!), and actually nodded to Lex in return of Lex’s own greeting. And that was it out of the two Kent men, whose entire focus switched wholeheartedly to the food in front of them. Lex smiled fondly at Clark and shook his head, glad that Clark had an appetite, before returning his focus to his own meal.

 

Remembering the panic that she had seen on her sons face at the thought of revealing this latest trouble, Martha knew better than to bring it up during the meal, and so allowed everyone to eat their fill – especially pleased to see Lex having a second helping.

 

*******

Having waited until desert had been served and partly consumed, Martha had decided it was about time to broach the topic at hand.

 

“Clark, you had something to share with your dad and me,” she glanced between all three men sitting before her, and was troubled by the distress visible in the eyes of the two boys.

 

She could see that Jonathon was already wound up to strike, so she made a point to slip her hand underneath the chair and on to his leg. If need be she’d dig her fingers in, to keep the man from doing anything rash.

  
Once again the two exchanged dialogue with their eyes. Her son really did not want to share with them whatever he had felt he could with Lex, and no matter how much she liked the young man, she could not help but feel a bit resentful about that. She was Clark’s mother, if he could not confide in her …

 

Finally, Lex started the ball rolling.

 

“I came to visit earlier, I’m not sure if you were aware of that. And well, I found …” Lex trailed off. It really wasn’t in his nature to be at a loss for words but, how does one reveal to their best friend’s parents that Clark had been harming himself? That their invincible boy was making himself bleed?

 

“He found me burned and bleeding.” Clark had been unable to watch Lex look so lost, especially not in front of his dad - who was almost as bad as Lionel Luthor when it came to jumping on Lex at any perceived sign of weakness.

 

“What?!” Jonathan as predicted had been ready to leap out of his seat, and it was only by the survival instinct inherent in any mother, that Martha managed to dig in deep enough to cause him to stay seated and wince, as she sat beside him in shock.

 

“I, I’ve been burning myself.”

 

Jonathan and Martha looked frantically between Lex and Clark, “He knows Mom, Dad … he knows everything.”

 

******

 

This time nothing kept Jonathan from making a grab for Lex, and he would have managed too - had it not been for Clark’s super fast reflexes.

 

Martha’s eyes widened while Jonathan’s lips thinned in anger; evidently Clark **had** told Lex everything.

 

Trying to be calm, Martha asked quietly; “Clark, honey, don’t you think you should have discussed this with us before telling him?”

 

It was uncertain who was protecting whom; Clark stood in front of Lex as a barrier from his father, but it was Lex’s arm around his waist that seemed to provide Clark with the strength to look her in the eyes and answer.

 

“I needed someone to know—“

 

“Why the hell didn’t you just tell Pete? It’s apparent you couldn’t tell us!” Jonathan was furious, some of it was fear driven but most of it was just anger that the Luthors had managed to weasel their way in to his son’s confidence. Into his family, and that once again Jonathan was to be at their mercy.

 

“Oh like that worked out so well.”

 

Clark didn’t mean to be snide, it never worked to counter his dad’s anger with some of his own, but God almighty, Pete had used both red and green kryptonite on him. He’d looked at him with disgust and no small amount of fear when he first found out, and then treated him like his own personal tick pet. It was a long time before Pete looked or treated him like anything close to the friends they’d once been.

 

Lex on the other hand, had just taken things in stride. Nothing had changed. Things only looked to be getting better from here on out between them. Clark could never say that for his friendship with Pete.

 

“What did you expect?! This isn’t exactly normal. Pete acted the way anyone would have, but of course Luthor would have acted differently. You’re going to be profitable to him now. What are you going to do, threaten us, bribe us, how are you going to manage to get past us so that you can get him on a lab table? ”

 

Clark was hurt, but a great deal of anger was also building up, and when he felt Lex flinch behind him at the accusations, he exploded.

 

“I didn’t even really tell him!!! He found my journal and kinda figured things out from there!”

 

Not giving his dad time or breath to use that to further his argument, Clark, in a very quiet but angry voice went on. “He saw the evidence up front, but didn’t understand part of the reasons until he read my journal. He only got to read a part of it. I told him about being an alien thinking he had read all of it.”

 

Walking away from Lex and towards his dad, Clark continued a notch lower and steelier, “But you know what Dad, he didn’t act like Pete. He didn’t care that it wasn’t normal. What did I expect? I expected the worst, I expected disgust and hate and fear. Like Pete looked at me, like he still looks at me sometimes. Like you sometimes do, when something new pops up,” In spite of Jonathon shaking his head in denial, Clark continued; “not the disgust and loathing maybe. But I see the fear, I can smell it.”

 

Clark sighed, feeling Lex’s arms wind around him. Touching them, placing his own hands over Lex’s, he grounded himself and carried on.

 

“You’re right, Dad. It’s not normal, but despite that, I still expected a bit of compassion and understanding from someone whom I considered family. So, I didn’t expect anything from Lex and you’re right, Lex has never been normal.”

 

He could feel the hurt coming off Lex, and when the arms around him went to pull away, he held on tighter as he rushed to finish his point. “Lex isn’t normal, Dad, and I’m very grateful for that.”

 

Turning, he looked into his best friend’s eyes, and spoke from the heart. “I was lucky the day you hit me with your car. Because from that moment on I had someone who would always watch out for me. Who, when faced with the reason for what set you apart from the rest, what caused your childhood teasing,” Clark slid his hand across Lex’s bald head, “still only thought of my current distress.”

 

Looking back at his dad, “So excuse me, dad, if I couldn’t tell Pete that I hurt myself because I feel no one understands me. Forgive me dad for having given in to the weakness tonight, for having felt so lost and desolate that I burnt too deep and too much of my normally invulnerable flesh that I passed out on the floor of the loft. Forgive me, that I had a friend who was compassionate and considerate enough to heal my wounds while I lay unconscious, and waited, for the most part, until I woke for an explanation rather than running to you or looking upon me with judgement. Forgive me, _Dad_ , for trusting someone who would trust me with his own broken past when I have given him no reason to consider me worthy. Forgive me-”

 

“We get the picture, Clark” Jonathan could only hear so much more of Lex’s supposed good nature. He was sure it was all a façade so as to get in to the boy’s good graces, he should have seen this coming the day Luthor went in and out of that loft as though it was his own … shit.

 

“Did you just say he found you on the floor of your loft? Where anyone could have come upon you?! Pete, Lana, CHLOE?!”

 

Clark shrunk in on himself more and more, with each question and name that his father steadily hollered at him, until he was almost hunched low enough to be level with his mother.

 

*****

Not wanting to intrude, Lex had kept quiet up until that point, knowing Jonathan Kent’s low regard of him. But at the sheer recklessness of the man’s words, the hurt he could see them causing in his dearest friend, Lex stepped in front of Clark, as if to shelter him from his father’s wrath.

 

“I suggest you stop right there! Firstly, I would  _never_ do anything to hurt or endanger Clark. I won’t use his secret against you and I sure as hell won’t use it against him. It is perfectly safe with me. But frankly, Mr. Kent - and I use that term of respect only because my mother raised me to. You disgust me. Standing there all ‘holier than thou’ about how we Luthors are untrustworthy, when your son has just told you that he hurts himself. Mutilates his body to block his pain, pain that is so tremendously, uncontrollably overwhelming at times, that the only way he has to cope is to burn his own flesh. And all you can do is rant about where he was when he did so?!”

 

Flustered and red faced now; “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!”

 

That yell had finally managed to get Martha moving, pulling Jonathan down to sit with her, she whispered harshly into his ear, “You say another word, Jonathan, and you will lose both your son and your wife.” Deadly serious, she stared him down until he gave a nod of acquiescence.

 

Regarding Lex with not a little bit of wonder, she had never seen him so out of control, she instead concentrated on the boy she had the slightest chance of reaching.

 

“Clark, we’re sorry. You just caught us off guard. This wasn’t something we were expecting. Not you telling Lex, or you being this hurt … to hear both things at once…”

 

She knew it didn’t justify Jonathan’s hurtful words or the truth in Clark’s.

Jonathan was afraid, afraid for Clark, afraid for her, afraid for all of them. It wasn’t even always about fearing what Clark could do; it was about fearing how they were ever going to be able to protect such an incredible being. After all, you could only have so much luck before a new power crops up in a very public way.

  
She should have known as perceptive as Clark was, almost on an empathetic level in regards to them, that he would have sensed the fear and as insecure as he was that he would have assumed the worst. Oh, my poor baby.

 

Trusting Jonathan to behave, she got up and walked over to Clark, no sudden movements, fearing that Lex may lash out in protectiveness.

 

Reaching them both, she cupped her son’s face, thankful that he did not flinch or pull away but instead moved into the touch. Her boy had such a big heart.

 

“You, Clark, are a blessing. You’re our blessing. And if we’ve made you feel anything but that, anything less than that, then we are sorry beyond words.”

 

Kissing each cheek, she pulled away - touching Lex’s cheek fleetingly as she did so. He did flinch as expected, more in surprise than anything else she would imagine.

 

“Thank you, for seeing him for what he is. Thank you for being what he needs, but you must understand that we need to know more.”

 

Sensing what his mom was asking for and what Lex was about to do, Clark leant down to whisper, “You don’t have to do this. You don’t need to tell them anything.”

 

He meant it. They were his parents, so they deserved the truth about what was going on in his life, but Lex? He owed them nothing.

 

Patting Clark in reassurance, he straightened himself to his full height and thought to move out of Clark’s arms, but decided against it. Instead he tucked himself under Clark’s chin, not caring how he may have looked; for once he was going to do what he wanted. He didn’t really care much what Jonathan thought anymore, knowing that Clark supported him fully was all that mattered.

 

Martha Kent remained before them, so he directed the explanation to her. “I used to cut myself.”

 

Why pussyfoot around the issue, he was more a ‘ripping that bandage in one fell swoop’ kind of guy anyhow.

 

“After my mother died and my dad shipped me to a completely different and undesirable boarding school, I allowed the pressures to get to me. Feeling, being ostracized, and my dad letting me believe the idea that my mom’s death had been my fault, and having no one to turn to, I turned to an alternative method to control the pain inside.”

 

Martha gasped, her face ashen as she leaned into her husband for support. “Your shirt…your arms…” she whispered, trailing off as the pieces fell into place in her mind.

Lex nodded with a sigh, before turning his focus to Jonathon.

 

“You see, Mr. Kent, I understand what Clark’s going through, and if it hadn’t been for my room mate coming back from vacation earlier than expected, one of my escapades may have resulted in me bleeding to death. That’s not what I want for Clark. It isn’t about being too weak, and it isn’t about being emotional. It’s about having your heart be burdened with more than it cares to be. About wanting to take all that anguish from inside and turn it into something physical, something controllable and manageable and less monumental.”

 

Tilting back a little to look into watery green eyes, the eyes of his most treasured person, he finished off with a whisper, choked by unspilled tears.

 

“It’s about taking the hurt of the loss of my mother, the complete heartache of it that I had no control over, and putting it into a cut. A cut that I could heal, that would heal and that mattered so little in the grand scheme of things. Especially considering how fast I heal. You see Clark, the meteors left me not only bald, but with a body that heals abnormally swiftly. The only reason I lived long enough for you to save me on that bridge, was because of the healing powers that day gifted me. I may have lost my hair that day, but I also lost my asthma, and more or less any possibility of permanent illness or injury. You were my saviour even before we met.”

 

*****

Clark, uncaring of his parent’s presence, pulled Lex in to a tight hug. It was years ago, and since Lex’s arrival in Smallville his life had been in danger almost on a weekly basis. Regardless, they both knew that no matter what, Clark would always make it in time to save the day. To think there had been a time when Lex needed him so much and he hadn’t been there, that he could have been so close to losing him without ever knowing him…

 

“I’m so sorry, so, so sorry,” it wasn’t enough. Nothing Clark could say would ever be enough to make up for everything that Lex had gone through but he could try to prevent any more hurt from touching the older man.

 

“Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for,” pulling away to cup Clark’s cheek Lex reiterated, “absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

 

They appeared to be immersed totally in each other, Clark’s arms still tightly wrapped around Lex and Lex’s hands cupping Clark’s face, staring into each others eyes. They seemed totally oblivious to the people around them: if not for the very loud throat clearing of one Martha Kent.

 

She hadn’t really wanted to break them apart, but even she could only hold Jonathan back for so long, and this blatant display of affection was pushing it.

 

“Please, both of you have a seat,” thinking perhaps the dining room table was too close quarters, “in the living room. We’ll join you shortly with some coffee – and milk for you Clark, you have chores in the morning.”

 

Realising that they had won a bit of understanding from at least one parent, both young men made their way to the living room, Clark still keeping Lex close.

 

*****

 

Taking a deep breath she turned her attention to the fuse that was waiting to go off, “Jonathan, look at me please.”

 

She flinched at the eyes that rose to stare at her. “I can’t.”

 

With all the hate she could hear there was also hurt, immense hurt, and pain. “This changes nothing, Martha,” he added, with a whispered hiss of anguish.

 

Upon hearing that, she pulled him as far away from the boys as she could and prayed that Clark was not listening in.

 

“What kind of man does that make me?” he hissed, and before she could even think of something soothing to respond with, he was gone, screen door slamming shut too loud for the silence left behind.

 

*******

 

“I’m sorry, Mom.” She must have stood staring at the door for too long if Clark had left Lex to come looking for her.

 

“Nothing you have to apologize for,” not really, Jonathan and I have done this to our family, but there was no need to say any of that. It was time to fix things, not to place blame.

 

“Come on Clark, put the plates in the sink for me and I’ll bring in the drinks.”

 

Following her son in to the living room she wasn’t surprised to see that Lex had gained his poise back, Luthor mask firmly in place. However, she also noticed that it disappeared the moment Clark settled beside him, and asked herself, had it always been this way?

 

“Jonathan won’t be joining us,” settling in the arm chair across from them, “he needs a bit more time. This is a lot to take in.”

 

“We understand that, Mrs. Kent,” Lex replied, taking a sip of his coffee. “I did not share my past to gain sympathy; it was simply to try to help you see that I understood where Clark was coming from.”

 

Clark was beginning to get restless; it was no longer in his nature to be so open with his wants and needs. Hiding behind lies and masks had become the norm, while honesty was hard to come by. “Mom, I don’t know what to say except that I trust Lex and that I need him. I need to have his understanding and his friendship and his loyalty. I need someone in my corner, Mom, who will always choose me.”

 

“Clark, your Dad and I are in your corner. We’re your parents and that’s what parents do.”

 

Martha wanted to hold Clark, reassure him with touch where words seemed to fail them. But stopping his words now would continue to keep her in the dark as far as her son’s heartache, and that was no longer an option, it never should have been.

 

Clark could see that his words had hurt his mother – the thought of him going elsewhere for comfort and advice – of not **wanting** to turn to his parents. But he needed her to understand. Loathe as he was to leave Lex’s side, Clark had grown too restless, and started to pace before the fireplace has he strove to express his feelings.

 

“Mom, Lex …” Clark trailed off, tugging at his hair in frustration. God why does this have to be so hard?

 

“Lex will do anything for his friends. He told me that fairly early in his friendship, and I believed him then. I like knowing that there isn’t anything Lex wouldn’t do for me. That he’ll protect me no matter what.” Taking a deep breath, he added, knowing his mother would not approve, “Even if it may not always be exactly legal or moral as far as you’re concerned.”

 

Martha didn’t know whether to be appalled or not. Was this the Luthor influence that Jonathan feared so much, or had they let down their son so badly that he craved such extreme security?

 

Lex for his part, was just as taken aback. He hadn’t expected to hear anything remotely like that from Clark. His greatest fear was that his obsessive need to protect the farm boy would scare him off, not to hear otherwise. He was getting a heady feeling.

 

“Clark, lying to keep your secret safe is one thing, but-”

 

“But lying is not all we’ve done. When Mr. Jenkins held us hostage at the Plant, I did nothing so I could keep my secret safe. Lex killed Nixon to save me and Dad, and how many times has Lex or someone else I care about gotten hurt because I have had to keep my secret safe?”

 

Martha looked down at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap. She knew how much it hurt Clark to lie every day – it went against everything they had taught him. But at the same time, he had become so used to having to hide the alien part of himself, that he felt it acceptable to hide even from his parents! And it worried her, because who could they talk to about all this?

 

“I know Clark, I know. But what are we going to do? It’s not like we can send you to a psychiatrist to work through all this.”

 

“True. Seen as Clark would be unable to reveal the reason for his feelings, a psychiatrist would be useless,” Lex replied. “But now that Clark knows that he isn’t alone, and also that he’s got someone who can relate to how he’s been handling his pain, we can put a stop to it.”

 

This last statement, Lex directed more towards Clark than Martha, because it was important that Clark understand that Lex wasn’t going to allow for him to ever need that kind of release ever again. Lex was going to be there for Clark for everything, around the clock.

 

Lex looked Clark square in the eye, and could see that he was ashamed of the trouble he felt he had caused, and embarrassed at the idea that he needed some sort of counselling.

 

“Clark, you know we need to sort this out. How to help you. I mean, seeing you, lying there, unconscious....” he trailed off, forcing himself to swallow back the emotions. “I’d suspected you were pretty much invulnerable – and hey, turns out I was right! But, I guess I took it for granted that you would always be there. The thought of losing you…of you being gone…I just couldn’t cope if I had to go through that again Clark ok?!”

 

And in two strides, Clark was back in front of the couch, pulling Lex off it and into his arms, rubbing his back reassuringly. “I’m sorry Lex, I’m so so sorry. I promise I’ll never do it again I swear. I never meant to hurt you – I never meant to hurt anyone! No-one was supposed to know!”

 

Lex pulled back, and looked Clark in the eye as he said, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. I know that you will have days that you feel so bad, that you don’t think you can take another step unless you give in to the temptation to self-harm. And I know you thought that by keeping it all a secret you were protecting us – but you weren’t. And what’s more, you were putting yourself at risk as well! I don’t expect you to be able to stop just like that, on your own. But I’ve got your back right?”

 

Clark smiled slightly at the sound of Lex using such a plebeian phrase (again), and nodded.

 

“But I can’t be with you 24/7 Clark, and that is why….” Lex walked to the door. “Give me a minute, I just need to get something from the car”.

 

As the bald man strode past her to the door, Martha looked at her son in askance. Clark shrugged. It was Lex – it could be anything.

 

Within a few minutes, Lex reappeared at the doorway, and threw an object at Clark – who caught it instinctively.

 

“A cellphone?”

 

“Its my spare – I can pick up another one tomorrow, so don’t worry about that. Every single number on which I could possibly be reached: my cell, the mansion, the penthouse, the plant, Luthorcorp – everywhere, is programmed in, along with your home number. **Whenever** you feel like you need it, I want you to ring me – I don’t care where either of us are, and I don’t care what time it is, I want you to take this phone, and promise me that you will use it when you need to.”

 

The thought alone of always being able to reach Lex made Clark feel better than he had in weeks, but he knew better than to just mindlessly accept gifts from Lex without permission, and so turned to his mother.

 

Martha could see the good points to this idea, but in the absence of her husband, she felt compelled to downplay Lex’s involvement as and when she could. “Lex, this is kind of you, but we can’t ask you to take on this burden. Clark needs to-”

 

“Clark needs to stop shouldering all the responsibility,” his glare stilled the rest of Martha’s words. “And anyway, you didn’t ask. I offered.”

 

Seeing the look on Lex’s face, Martha knew that he would manage to persuade Clark to take the phone eventually, with or without their permission. And she had to admit: if the choice was her son calling Lex Luthor, or self-harming, she knew she had no real choice. With a sigh, she nodded, smiling slightly at the looks of relief on the faces of the two boys.

 

“OK, now that is settled, Clark, you go put that phone away some place safe. And then you and Lex can do the washing up.”

 

“Of course Mrs Kent, we’d be happy to,” Lex replied, standing and gathering the coffee cups to take to the kitchen.

 

Clark gaped at his mother. “But Mom! Lex is a guest!”

 

Martha raised an eyebrow at her son. “No he’s not. Lex is family.”

 

Martha was fully aware that Lex was standing in the kitchen doorway, frozen in shock at her response. Smiling softly as she stood, she wagged her finger at Lex as she admonished, “And what did I say before Lex? It’s Martha.”

 

Lex ducked his head with the nearest thing to a blush Martha had ever seen on him, as he nodded and retreated into the kitchen with a quiet, “Yes Martha.”

 

Returning her gaze to her son, she couldn’t help but smile back at him at the sight of his trademark 100Watt beam – a smile she had seen far too little of lately.

 

She allowed him to pick her up as he hugged her close and whispered, “I love you Mom.” Once he had finally set her back on her feet, she replied, “I love you too sweetie. Now, me and your father are going for a walk, and I want my kitchen spotless when I get back, alright?”

 

“Yes Ma’am!” Clark saluted, bouncing off into the kitchen before Martha could swat him for his cheek!

 

******

 

As Martha gathered a jacket, she couldn’t help but smile at the total turn of her son’s mood. But her smile faded as she stepped down off the porch. For now, she was going to have the far-from-easy task of trying to talk some sense into her stubborn as a mule husband.

 

Martha followed her feet, instinctively knowing where he would be.

Over a field, right at the edge of the property, stood her husband, axe in hand, letting out all his frustration with each hard, precise swipe as he chopped logs.

 

She could not help but smile slightly at the sight; they may have been married for the best part of twenty years, but seeing her husband like this made her feel like a teenager again. But the feeling was quickly overpowered by the need to discuss their current predicament. Crossing her arms, she stood right in his line of sight and waited.

 

“Jonathan.” He froze for a moment, axe in mid-air, and due to his current temper, she could sense he was actually debating ignoring her!

She cleared her throat authoritatively and started tapping her foot.

With a grimace, Jon lowered the axe and turned to her, his own arms crossed defensively.

 

“Can I assume at the absence of screeching tires that our guest has yet to leave?”

 

He wasn’t going to give an inch it seemed; but Martha was having none of it.

 

Glaring into her husband’s eyes, “I know this is hard for you, but you’re going to listen.”

 

Seeing the slump of his shoulders, her own anger and frustration gushed out of her. She had her arms wrapped around him and was holding tight in the blink of an eye.

 

“I love you, Jonathan, we love you and this family is going to be okay.”

 

There was no hesitation; she said it with the same surety as she had when she’d declared they were keeping Clark all those years ago. A surety she was beginning to feel around Lex Luthor and his continued presence in their lives. He was there to stay and her husband was going to have to deal with it, sooner rather than later if they were going to have any chance of providing proper support for their child.

 

“We’ve failed him, Martha,” the strong man buried his head in her shoulders and let loose a sob, “We were entrusted with the most precious being on Gods green earth and we broke him.”

 

She wanted to disagree, and a part of her did, but an equal part shared the feeling.

“Then don’t you think it’s time we stop failing him? That it’s time to be the parents he deserves and help him fix things?”

 

“I don’t know how.” It was probably the most terrifying admission Jonathan had ever made in his entire life. He was never more scared then he was right at that moment. “I don’t know how to be the father he deserves, I don’t know how to fix this, fix us. I don’t know how I could possibly expect him to trust me again.”

 

“I miss my little boy, Martha, I miss my boy.” Too choked up to continue, he just hid in the comfort of his wife’s embrace.

 

“He’s still your boy, Jonathan. He’s still our son and the little cherub who rescued us.”

 

Loosening her hold, she led him to a nearby tree and sat down beneath it, dragging him along with her.

 

“We love him. He knows that.” She stilled the automatic interruption with a finger to his lips, “He knows we love him. Sometimes it just wasn’t enough.”

 

Feeling her own grief now, she continued nevertheless. “We’ve forgotten how big a burden he bears. So many restrictions Jon,” she had to pause to take a breath lest she break down into tears herself. “We placed so many restrictions on him. It was for his safety. He still has to be careful and cautious, but he’s smart and we should have trusted that he could and would make smart choices. Instead … anyone else would have broken sooner.”

 

This wasn’t what either of them wanted to say or hear but they needed to re-evaluate how they’d been handling things. Ignoring, hiding and extreme caution may have worked when Clark was a child and his world was limited to Pete, Chloe, school and the farm - but if they wanted more for Clark than Smallville things needed to change and fast.

 

“He’s amazing, Jon. He’s so strong in ways that have nothing to do with his alien origins and he’s forgotten that. As his parents we need to remind him of it.”

 

Pausing, “Lex needs to remind him of it.”

 

Startled, “What? What does Lex Luthor have to do with this?”

He really didn’t want to know; but he was going to find out regardless.

 

“He loves our son. He is in love with our son.”

 

She would have cushioned the blow or attempted subtlety but sometimes the truth being slammed upside the head works best with her husband.

 

Martha gave him no time to splutter out his Luthor tirade. “You need to realize this. You need to accept it, and Lex, otherwise: You. Will. Lose. Your. Son.”

 

She punctuated each point with a poke at his chest. She’d shove the fact down his throat and into his head with every meal and at any spare moment they had. She’d whisper it into his ear in bed like a mantra as he’s falling asleep and just as he’s waking up for the morning. Martha Clark Kent could be relentless even beyond Luthor understanding when warranted.

 

“But for now, you just need to allow him to help Clark. Clark is completely unaware of Lex’s affections and Lex hasn’t said anything of it to him. I imagine he won’t now, maybe not ever. But he does love our son and that means he will keep him safe.”

 

As she said the words she realized exactly how much she meant them. She trusted Lex to keep Clark safe; safe from the world, safe from them, safe from Clark himself.

 

“He can help Clark. Is willing to move mountains and turn his world upside down to do so. More important, Clark is willing to accept that help. He’s comforted and assured by Lex’s presence.”

 

It hurt her to admit at how much more comforted Clark was by Lex than her or Jonathan.

 

“Lex has given Clark a cell phone. It’s so that should Clark ever need to talk, should he ever feel the need to harm himself again, he’ll have easy access to someone who will bring him back from that kind of desperation. I gave Clark permission to keep it.”

 

Martha knew there would come a time that she wouldn’t be able to help Clark, to ease his heartaches but she had thought it would be over something entirely different and external and far in the future. It was all too soon.

 

At Martha’s continued silence, Jonathan finally spoke up, “Are you done?”

 

Quirking an eyebrow, “For now”, her lips had thinned at his tone, and she waited a tad nervously for his reaction. She had been completely surprised by his restraint thus far.

 

“I don’t like any of this. I like Lex Luthor almost as little, but I like the situation Clark is in even less.”

 

Gripping her hands that had been laced in his for a fair while now, he continued; “Clark can keep the phone. I will try and limit my Luthor comments. But this doesn’t change how I feel about him, despite your faith in him.”

 

Staring across the yard and imagining Clark bustling about in their home with Luthor, Jon continued, “He’s still a Luthor, Martha. Horrible things have happened to him but he’s done equally terrible things.” Grimacing, “Clark has had awful things happen and done to him but he has never intentionally set out to hurt anyone. I don’t want Luthor changing that, I don’t want Luthor changing him.”

 

“Did you think, Jon, that maybe Clark will change Lex?” Martha whispered.

 

Glancing at her now, “If anyone could do it Clark could. But I won’t hold my breath and I’ll be watching him. I hope you’re right, Martha, God I hope you’re right about this.”

 

“I am. I’m always right about the important things.”

 

A small smile, “Yeah, I know. One of the many reasons I married you.”

 

“Smart man. Now be the strong man that I married. Go into that house and apologize to those boys, go and make peace, with  _both_ of them.”

 

He shouldn’t have been surprised at the request, but he still managed to pull back at it, he was hoping for a bit more time to adjust.

 

*****

 

As they heard the screen door open, both of them looked up. Clark was escorting Lex to his car.

 

Well no time like the present he supposed.

 

Before he had time to process it he stood in front of the boys. Clark had moved in less than a blink of an eye from walking alongside Lex to blocking him from his father.

 

Jonathan cringed. He never wanted Clark to think that he had to protect anyone from him. He never expected to be someone Clark was jittery or frightened around. But looking into his eyes that was all he saw; anxiousness tinged with fear. It was all on Lex’s behalf, but that didn’t matter to Jonathon.

 

“I’m not going to hurt him, Clark. I-” Jon trailed off, because what was he going to say? That he was okay with Lex all of a sudden? Because he wasn’t, and Clark would know it for the lie that it was.

 

So taking a fortifying breath, he turned to Lex and looked him right in the eye as he said; “I am sorry that my words and actions have hurt you today, and though I don’t like you anymore now then I did yesterday I am sorry about what you had to go through. I’m just as sorry that it doesn’t change things.”

 

“I didn’t expect it to, Mr. Kent. I wouldn’t want your opinions of me to change out of pity, if they ever do.”

 

Jon nodded in comprehension - he understood pride. “Regardless, I realize that my son trusts you. That he feels he can talk to you and comes to you when he is hurting and that you have provided the means to make yourself even more accessible.”

 

He could see even Luthor was beginning to get nervous now; well he was about to deliver the kicker so … “Thank you.”

 

They stilled, eyes blinking - and Jonathan found himself smiling. It was good to be able to startle someone who always appeared completely unflappable. But also because he found that he actually felt the gratitude he was expressing in the same surprised way Martha had looked when she told him that she trusted the younger Luthor.

 

Jonathan’s smile broadened. “I don’t trust you, but that doesn’t matter because I trust Clark and he trusts you. You’ve helped him and it looks like you will continue to do so. For that I thank you.”

 

“Dad,” then a quick whoosh and he was being held in strong arms. Jonathan hugged back as tightly as his old limbs would allow.

 

He whispered fiercely into his boy’s ear, “I love you, Clark. More than anything in this world, I love you. Everything I have done since we brought you home, everything I ever do, will be out of that love. I haven’t done things nearly as well as I should have. I’m sorry for letting you down. But I will work darn hard to earn back your trust and respect.”

 

Tear filled whispered back, “I love you, Dad. I trust you and respect you, I just didn’t want to disappoint you.”

 

Pulling his head away to look into his son’s watery eyes, he stated clearly, “There has never been a day that I’ve been disappointed in you. Scared out of my mind for you, broken up inside at not being able to fix things or provide you with the life you deserve, grief stricken at the shattered look you always wear after a meteor save. But I have never been disappointed in you. All of this, now, I was hurting and I lashed out. I was hurting that you were hurting and angry and disappointed in myself for having let things get his far, for not realizing they’d gotten this far and not having been the one to stop it.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Dad.”

 

“It’s not yours.” Pulling him into another hug, “You can keep the phone and you can keep him.”

 

With that Jonathan let Clark go and walked past Lex as he headed into the house.

 

 

 

“I think hell just froze over.”

 

“Not Hell Lex. That, was Mom-power.” Although he was still somewhat shell-shocked by his father’s little speech, Clark turned to his Mother and smiled in thanks.

 

Patting her son on the arm, she smiled back. “Don’t be cheeky Clark! Not that you’re wrong…” she turned to Lex as she continued, “You just need to learn how to control a Kent. Let them have their little brat fit, realise how stupid they are, and underline it by explaining said stupidity in detail. It’s not hard Lex. Clark may be a little more complex than my Jonathon, but I know you’ll learn. Goodnight honey.”

 

And with a peck on Lex’s cheek, she left the boys blinking after her as she followed her husband into the house.

 

*****

 

As the door closed behind her, the boys looked at each other and started to chuckle, the moment broken by their amusement. However, once they reached Lex’s car, said amusement was quick to trail off, as they realised that the closeness they had developed was about to fade with Lex’s departure.

 

Clark was trying hard to let Lex go, their hands had once again entwined together and he was certain that he could live the rest of his life just like that. In that moment where he felt so much hope for the future, with the comfort of Lex’s touch beside him and the faith of his mother’s words behind him.

 

But … “Goodnight, Clark” - yet Lex did not move away or appear to be planning to anytime soon. Instead the both stood in front of his car staring at each other from the corner of their eyes.

 

The silliness of it all must have finally registered with Lex as he sent an; ‘I can’t believe we’re doing this smirk’ his way before very slowly slipping his fingers loose.

 

“You better get back inside quick before your father changes his mind,” sliding in to the car, Lex leaned out the window, “Goodnight Clark, I’ll see you tomorrow, but remember if you need me, I am merely a phone call away.”

 

Clark nodded his understanding of the support offered and stepped back as Lex squealed out of the driveway, no longer feeling the need for approval from Mr Kent.

 

“Drive safe.”

 

Clark took a moment to look up at the now-dark sky; at the stars above him, and wonder once again which one was once his home. However, as he turned and started to make his way back into the house, he felt the weight of his new cell-phone in his jean pocket, and for a rare moment, felt thankful that he had been sent to Earth. Because if he hadn’t, he would never have met Lex.

 

*****


	2. Chapter 2

Clark’s parents were still at the table, hands wrapped around a mug, not a word uttered between them, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. Both of them looked up to address him at his entrance. 

“Lex gone now honey?” Martha asked. 

Clark nodded, and then quietly stated; “Yeah, I’m feeling kind of tired, so I’m going to call it a night.” 

Smiling up at him, Martha answered for the both of them. “We’ll be up in a bit. Good night, honey.” 

“Good night, Mom, good night Dad.” 

He took his time with his nightly ablutions, for the first time in awhile not feeling the need to rush. He was calm inside his own head and heart. Clark wasn’t stupid enough to think that it would be a permanent state, but for now, the short reprieve would be enough. 

Curled up under the covers, Clark couldn’t help but have his gaze return to the phone that sat within easy reach on his bedside table. 

Sitting under a beam of moonlight, it glowed with all the hope that Clark had placed in it. Shaking his head at his own silliness he closed his eyes, but his mind was quiet no longer. 

He wondered what Lex was doing then, had he really meant what he’d offered or was it just him placating Clark?  
Would he really answer every time Clark called?  
Why should he?  
They were friends, but Clark was still in high school and of no great significance in Lex’s world while Lex was well, Lex Luthor. It didn’t make Lex anything but his friend, but no one knew better than Clark exactly how much Lex was putting into LexCorp.  
How much longer would being a friend to Clark not be a hindrance to his friend’s life and growing company?  
Where in the world could he find the time to be more than he already was?  
Clark couldn’t ask more than the time already offered to him.  
How could he and still call himself Lex’s friend?  
This wasn’t going to work. Lex couldn’t be there for him, he just couldn’t, what was Clark thinking?--- 

*BZZZBZZZZBZZZ* *THUMP* 

Clark’s eyes flew open. Turning around he tried to locate the source of the noise, x-ray didn’t reveal anything out of the ordinary, so he was at least reassured that he wouldn’t have to be kicking some mutant butt at this hour. His vision, automatically and unintentionally, went to his bedside. The phone was gone. 

“The phone?” 

Feeling sheepish, he looked down to see that his phone had vibrated off the table and on to the floor. Knowing that it was best to keep his Dad as happy as possible, he’d put the phone on vibrate so that it wasn’t obvious every time Lex called. 

Wait a minute, that meant - his hand shot out to grab the now silent and unmoving object. It started vibrating again. Clark squeaked. Some hero he was turning out to be. 

“Hello? Lex?” 

“Who else where you expecting?” 

And it was entirely too girly of him to want to jump and squeal in excitement.  
Lex had called, Lex had called!! 

Shaking his head to clear it, “Well I don’t know. How do you know that now that I’ve been given access to my own line I’m not using it for a job on the side?” 

“Clark?” The voice was sultry and completely inappropriate for Clark to be hearing while in bed. 

So it wasn’t his fault that he said what he did next, “I wasn’t expecting you at all. Like ever.” 

And when did he go from telling outright lies to blurting out unnecessary truths? 

“Clark.” That voice wasn’t what he wanted, bring back the sultry - even the angry. Hearing Lex sound hurt, to any extent, because of something he’d said was unacceptable. That Lex would sound hurt over this was … 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize.” 

He could hear papers being shuffled. Was Lex still working? “Are you still working?” 

A small laugh, “Well, yes. I couldn’t get anything done earlier so …” 

Earlier, after Lex had come upon him and witnessed his shame, when Clark had thrown him out instead of thanking him for tending to his wounds. 

“Did I say thank you, because if I forgot to. Thank you.” Swallowing a lump in his throat, “I don’t know what I would have done if it had been Mom or Dad who’d found me.” 

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” More moving around could be heard. 

“Lex?” 

“Sorry, I was trying to slip out my shirt without letting go of the phone. I think I’m too tired if that’s proving to be a challenge.” 

Giggling. He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth, it didn’t help. Lex misses nothing. 

“Clark, was that a giggle?” Genuine amusement could be heard in his friend’s voice, which pleased Clark greatly. If only his head had stayed on that; instead it finally registered what Lex had said, he was getting out of his shirt? Lex was undressing while talking with Clark on the phone? 

Oh crap. 

“Umm, Lex maybe I should let you go.” But even in his aroused and flustered state his curiosity would not abate, Chloe would have been proud. “But before you do, was there a reason you called? Is everything all right?” Clark was half out of bed before Lex’s chuckle reached him. 

“Calm down farmboy. No need for our resident hero tonight. I appear to be safe from concussions, a rare occasion as it is. I’m taking a pre-emptive strike and calling it an early night before that changes.” 

“Don’t joke, Lex.” 

Knowing everything was all right, he settled back down into bed. “So, if nothing is wrong, why’d you call?” 

There was a prolonged moment of silence. Clark pulled the phone away to see if he’d been disconnected. Nope, still on call. 

“Lex?” 

“I wanted to hear your voice.” 

This only confused him more, “Lex?” 

Another bout of silence but not as long, and no prompt was needed before Lex broke it. “I needed to know you were all right. That you were for the most part unhurt and not bleeding, dying on some floor somewhere.” 

Oh Lex. “Lex, I’m so sorry.” Clark’s voice broke. He’d caused his friend so much pain. He could only imagine the type of nightmares Clark’s actions had unearthed in Lex. 

“Don’t apologize. There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for. I just-“ 

Sighing, Lex never sighed. 

“I needed to be sure. Not just that you were all right but that you still had the phone. That it wasn’t some hallucination, both your parents agreeing to you having it, or that maybe they’d changed their minds since I left and confiscated it. I just wanted to make sure that you could still reach me. I also wanted you to be sure. In me, in the offer. Anytime Clark, anytime, anywhere you need me you call. Nothing and no one will keep me ….”

And Lex trailed off. Lost for words, A Luthor.  
Clark gave him a moment, knowing that he would continue. 

“Promise you understand that Clark. Promise that you will use me.” 

“I promise.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Good night, Lex.” 

“Good night, Clark.” 

And then it was quiet again. Clark fell asleep that night with the phone clutched to his heart. 

***** 

Martha had allowed her son a lie-in this morning. Because Clark’s injuries were due to him using his heat vision, they would not heal as quickly as if they had been caused during kryptonite-induced weakness. This meant that they would heal pretty much at the speed of a normal person with burns, and that Clark would therefore be too sore to do his chores for a few days. As she finished laying the table for breakfast, Martha tried to brush away the question burning through her mind; how many times had Clark done his normal everyday routine while going through the pain he was in right now with the burns that he himself had created? 

While Martha was laying the table, Clark stood in his room, trying to work out what clothes would hide the most and cause him the least pain. The burns could not be bandaged up – and anyway, that would only make it more difficult to hide, so Clark could only wear things that would not stick to the healing wounds. However, it was also very rare for Clark to wear something other than jeans for school; he knew that if he put on the black cotton combats he wanted to wear, Chloe at least would say something – and in spite of how much better he felt, he still did not want any attention drawn to himself. So Clark slipped on his baggiest jeans, with a large navy blue cotton t-shirt, and his very softest flannel shirt, before slowly making his way downstairs, bracing himself for the onslaught of food he knew he would receive as part of his mother’s way of coping. 

 

Clark nodded a thank you to his father as he stepped out of the truck, slinging his bag over his shoulder and issuing a short wave to the red truck already turning out of the school driveway. Clark shoved a hand into his pocket, to reassure himself that his new cell-phone was still there, before glancing round furtively and slipping into a crowd of kids, immediately hidden amongst the people.  
Although Clark felt better for the confrontation the night before, he still wanted to avoid his friends for as long as he could – hence the lift into school rather than getting the bus. 

 

Chloe watched as Clark bumped into a table and winced; and for once the flash of pain across his face appeared to be genuine. Looking across at Pete, who hadn’t yet noticed her attention on him, she saw that he looked even more unsettled than she felt. 

Something was wrong with their best friend. She was going to find out what. But they had to be able to corner Clark for that, and Clark had been steadfastly avoiding any and all direct interaction all morning. 

Pete’s thoughts were along the same lines as Chloe’s. However, he didn’t wait to plot or strategize; he simply hurried after Clark; right to the boy’s washroom. 

 

He made sure to make as little noise as possible when entering, and peeked around the corner to observe their resident alien and almost fell over in shock. 

There were lines of blood on the upper thighs of Clark’s jeans. Had he been up against a meteor mutant and gotten hurt without any of them knowing? Why hadn’t he said anything to him? His Clark-dar was going off, which meant something was terribly wrong here, but all these years of friendship had taught him that now was not the time for a confrontation. 

He slipped out as quietly as he’d come in and made sure to stand guard to keep anyone else from entering. 

“So want to tell me what’s going on?” 

Pete really should have known that Chloe wouldn’t have missed a beat. She’d taken Clark watching to an art form, losing only to Luthor and Lana of late. Speaking of, “Looks like Lana’s looking for our boy wonder again.” 

“Clark’s become real popular eye candy.” 

Chloe hadn’t missed Pete’s dodge, but he could only do that for so long so she was willing to let it slide in such a public setting. If she was going to hound him she’d make sure it was somewhere they couldn’t be overheard and where he had no viable escape routes but directly through her. The Torch office usually fit this requirement nicely, now it was just getting him there … 

“According to who?” Both whirled around at Clark’s voice from over their shoulders. 

“Umm-“ 

“Lana’s waiting for you at your locker. “ 

And so she was, although Clark didn’t know why. 

“The more attention she heaps on you the more those from her former flock hover too.” 

“Well it doesn’t matter, I’m heading home. I’ve managed to wrangle a spare for Calculus so I’m out of here.” 

While Chloe and Clark spoke, Pete observed them – Clark in particular. There was a slight limp in his tall friend’s gate, a stiffness in his movements and Pete had picked up on the fact that Clark had pulled out his t-shirt to hang past the flannel shirt he always wore on top. It fell just above his knees hiding what Pete had seen quite well. This made Pete think; how often has this happened?  
Pete had also come to the realization that Clark seemed to have lost a considerable amount of weight, said clothes were almost hanging off him. Did the Kents not notice this? 

“You okay, Pete?” 

Startled out of his dire contemplations, “I’m fine, just chemistry manages to suck the life out of me every damn day.” 

Turning to Clark, he asked, “Hey why exactly do you have a spare?” 

Chloe whacking Clark answered for him, “Because genius here was the only one who completely aced our last test. Everyone else has the make-up one to write today.” 

“You guys are lucky; Bryon never gives us any breaks. I swear he takes sick pleasure out of every failing grade he hands out.” Statistics sucked. 

Chuckling as they made it to their fork in the road, Chloe spoke up; “Well I’m off to conquer Calculus, I’ll catch up with you at the Talon. You’ll meet us there, right, Clark?” 

They both watched as Clark attempted to come up with a plausible reason not to. 

“We’re not taking no for an answer man. If you’re at home then we’ll come to pick you up after school to drive you down.” Pete nodded decisively; then him and Chloe waved and quickly started off to their respective classes before Clark could make any objections. 

***** 

Clark was at the Talon, both Chloe and Pete had been true to their word and had come to the farm to drag him away. He would have managed to weasel out of it if his parents hadn’t been supportive of the abduction. Traitors. 

Chloe was finding them a table while Pete had gone for a bathroom run; apparently he’d not been allowed a ‘get out of jail free card’ from Mr. Bryon. Not only was Pete’s request for a bathroom pass rejected, he’d been kept in for a short detention after class as well. Unheard of, but Pete should have known better. Mr. Bryon hated the jocks and the only reason he gave them even the small amount of slack he did was because it was expected of all the teachers, Pete really shouldn’t have pushed his luck. 

All that meant was that Clark was left to get their drinks. Oh joy. “Clark!” 

“Lana, hey.” He really should have begged Chloe to let him go table hunting, but then he would have had to fork over a reason for why he was avoiding Lana Lang so assiduously. He wasn’t quite ready for that yet, he knew the questioning was coming, but he’d keep Chloe at bay for long as possible in the mean time. 

“This is a surprise! I missed you in Calculus. Right before and after. I was waiting at your locker, but I guess you didn’t see me before and then when you weren’t in class and I waited afterwards at your locker, Chloe said that you’d been granted a spare so you’d left after Chem.” 

“Umm, yeah. I didn’t need to do the re-test, so…” 

“That’s cool. It seems you’re the only one doing so well. I could actually use a great deal of help. Mind tutoring me? I’d be willing to pay in whatever way you’d like?” 

Clark almost physically winced at Lana’s blatant come on. Was she always like this? How could he have missed it? 

“I really can’t Lana, I’ve, umm-“ He really needed to learn how to lie better and on the spot. Maybe Lex could teach him. 

“Because he’s throwing the bell curve he’s been assigned a few extra projects on the side by the Teach. With all the work he’s got on the farm, he really has no time.” 

Pete. Thank you! He was going to fund Pete’s coffee intake all the way until first year of college after this. 

“Oh well, get back to me if you manage some free time. Kay?” Lana waited for an answer, “Yeah, sure.” 

She turned around to head into the kitchen when Clark called her back, “Lana.” 

She immediately twirled around, with a spark of victory in her eye, quickly hidden but neither Clark or Pete had missed it.  
Pete just looked on in amusement. He didn’t know why or how, but Clark was very much not part of the Lana Lang Fan Club anymore. Looks like he’d actually burned his membership card; it did Pete’s heart good. He waited for the let down, because he was fairly sure about why exactly Clark had called her back and it wasn’t what Lana was thinking. 

“Yes, Clark.” 

Blushing, “Umm, you forgot to take our orders: a latte for Chloe, a frappacino for Pete and just a black coffee for me, please. Thank you.” 

Having the exact change ready, Clark laid it on the counter and left to find Chloe, expecting Pete to follow. And he did after requesting extra whipped cream on his and Chloe’s drinks. 

The Clark-miester had finally grown a backbone in regards to the Pink Princess. Whatever was going on with Clark, this was one of the few things that Pete could be happy with. His oldest friend deserved better than what Ms. Lang had been dishing out. 

“So, what have you been up to?” Chloe didn’t think there was any need for preliminaries. She wanted to know why the most vital member of the three musketeers had been MIA the last couple of weeks. 

Clark ducked his head down and away, almost as though he was physically curling in on himself and away from her. The light caught his angled chin just so and for the first time she noticed the shadows under his eyes. And exactly how angley, not a word but her inner editor would excuse it, his chin was. Had he lost weight? 

Looking across at Pete, who’d finally joined them, she saw the same concern in his eyes, despite the small smile on his face. She knew the smile was induced by whatever had passed between Lana and Clark; she could see Lana’s red face, frown firmly in place, all the way from their table. Lana kept throwing dirty looks at the back of Pete’s head, which would slip to her, as though Chloe was responsible for Clark’s sudden disinterest. If only. But truthfully, she knew she wasn’t and she’d gotten past the point when she would have regretted that not being the case. Chloe had long ago come to the conclusion that Clark was irreplaceable. So was Pete. Guys could and would come and go, but her two best friends would stick with her until the very end. Which was why it was important she figure out why one of the permanent fixtures in her life was silently suffering. Why, how, and what could they do to fix it. To help Clark. 

 

Before Clark could answer they heard a weird buzzing noise, followed by Clark’s slight jump. They watched as Clark fumbled with his pockets for a bit before pulling out a … cell phone. A really snazzy, expensive looking phone. A familiar phone. One Lex Luthor had been known to walk around with. Interesting. 

“Hey.” Clark’s voice was all soft and ten different kinds of quiet happy. And she watched as whatever Lex said, because she was certain that’s who it was, brought out the rarely seen (at least these days it was) Clark Kent mega-watt-special smile. 

Her heart thumped erratically. She wasn’t jealous. She really wasn’t. Glancing at Pete, seeing his thinned lips, she knew he had come to the same conclusion. But concern had won out over his dislike of Lex and she watched as his shoulders relaxed and he settled himself to wait. At least that battle was averted. 

And here was another one on its way. 

“Here are your drinks.” Lana was looking at Clark for acknowledgement; sadly the drinks and Lana went unnoticed. Chloe couldn’t help the spark of glee that went through her at that. 

And when she spoke to get Clark’s attention, “Clark, coffee,” and he actually looked at her, giving her a head nod and took time to mouth a thank you before going back to his conversation, well Chloe was sprouting a mega-watt-special smile of her own. 

Years of being usurped by Lana had been vindicated in that moment. She could be at peace now. Jealous of Lana Lang? Not anymore. 

***** 

While Chloe was taking note of all this, Clark was totally focused on his conversation with Lex… 

“So am I to be charged by the second or the minute?” 

Clark smiling said, “For you. It’s on the house.” 

Lex’s answering laugh washed over him. Slinking down lower into his seat Clark allowed himself to relax for the first time all day. 

“Where are you?” 

“At the Talon, why?” 

“I thought I heard Ms. Lang.” 

“Huh?” and though Clark hadn’t heard Lana he did catch Chloe calling him, looking up he saw that their drinks had arrived and offering her a smile and a mouthed thank you he grabbed it before returning to his conversation with Lex. 

“I think you heard wrong, that was Chloe trying to get my attention. Coffee’s arrived.” 

“Is that all you’ve had all day?” 

What kind of question was that, “I don’t think so, why?” 

“Clark, don’t take this the wrong way but when was the last time you took a good look at yourself?” 

Where was Lex going with this? 

“I’m guessing the answer is a very long time. Clark, you’ve lost weight. You’ve been worrying about so much that isn’t your fault that you’ve not been taking care of your self.” 

Ducking his head, Clark wasn’t sure if he should be pleased or embarrassed at Lex’s concern. 

“Now I want you to really think about it and go through what you’ve had today,” Lex stated. When silence was all that greeted Lex, he said a bit more sternly, “Now, Kent!” 

Sighing, “Mom made breakfast, you don’t really think I’d get out of eating at her table do you?!” 

“That’s no answer. What. Did. You. Eat?” 

“Lex, I’m not a child, you don’t-“ 

“Damn it, Clark! I don’t think you’re a child. I couldn’t possibly need you so much if all you were was a child!” 

“Lex...I…” Clark stuttered to a stop. He really wasn’t used to emotional outbursts of any kind from his bald friend. 

“Don’t die on me, Clark. You promised.” 

Closing his eyes Clark wondered when he would stop hurting Lex. It was always unintentional but … “I had pancakes for breakfast.” 

“Thank you. How many?” 

“Two maybe.” 

“Only two?” 

“Lex!” 

“Fine. What about snack or lunch?” 

“I’m not in elementary school, we don’t have snack times or recess and I wasn’t really feeling up to any lunch-“ 

“Why not?” 

“Are you going to let me finish answering the rest of your questions before you lay more on me?” 

“Sorry, go on.” 

“Well thank you, now that you’ve given me permission.” 

And despite the tinge of frustration Clark was feeling, he was just as pleased at how comfortable and normal it felt to talk like this with Lex. 

“As I was saying, I didn’t have lunch because I’m still feeling squeamish from last night. Breakfast had really been too much.” 

“Two pancakes is too much?!” 

Clark laughed at the outrage in Lex’s voice. Goodness.

“Are you laughing at me, Kent?” 

“No, no, of course not. Wouldn’t think of it.” More snickering, then, “You really should have heard yourself from my end.” 

“Are you done yet with the laughing, because you haven’t finished telling me what you had once you got home.” 

Taking a moment to calm down, Clark continued for Lex’s benefit. “I didn’t really have a chance to, Chloe and Pete had come by just as I’d come down from getting cleaned up from doing my chores.” 

“And instead of eating something nutritious, you’re having coffee on an essentially empty stomach.” If Lex sounded any more like a reproachful parent he’d start impersonating Jonathan Kent. 

A more teasing tone entered Lex’s voice as he continued; “Isn’t it a good thing then that Luthor’s plan for all possibilities?” A paper bag from Clark’s favourite Metropolis bakery landed on the table right in front of him. 

Clark’s head shot up to look straight into a pair of concerned blue eyes. The most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever known. 

“Lex!” 

“Hey.” 

Lex sat down beside Clark, who made room for him quickly, and though it was a bit tight, neither was feeling the need to complain. Even the lingering tensions that had held both wound tight all day seemed to leave them at the close quarters; something that was not missed by either Chloe or Pete, or Lana who was still hanging around, to the obliviousness of Clark. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Lex could have taken the question negatively, but he could feel Clark’s muscles loosening beside him and the smile; it wasn’t the blinding ones he’d grown to miss, but … he could grow to love the softness and familiarity of this one nevertheless. 

“Did you want the tried and true, ‘I was in the neighbourhood’?-“ Lex smirked, Clark’s answer was a playful pat on the knee. 

“I was looking for you. I went by the farm and your Mom said that you’d been dragged off.” 

That’s when Lex turned, “Ms. Sullivan, Mr. Ross. Good to see you.” 

Pete only offered a nod of his head; Chloe however, was far more ready to jump into a conversation.  
“Good to see you too, Lex. Especially considering that’s the first genuine smile we’ve gotten out of him all day,”  
‘If not longer than that’, she couldn’t help but think. 

Lex could feel Clark flinch at the comment. Lex grabbed and squeezed the hand Clark had used earlier to hit him - a fact which neither of Clark’s friends noticed, as said hand was out of sight beneath the table, still resting on Lex’s knee. 

“Well, you can’t expect Clark to be cheerful everyday, but when have you known the thought of food not to bring a smile to Clark’s face?” Lex quipped. 

Turning to Clark, “You want to eat that on the way home? I told your parents I’d drive you back.” 

“He isn’t going anywhere.” 

All heads turned to Pete, who’d not said a word since his comment to Lana earlier. 

“Pete,” Chloe warned. She wanted to keep Clark there just as badly as Pete, but she knew better than to go up against a Luthor when it really mattered. And from the looks of things, Clark really mattered. 

Chloe shouldn’t have been as surprised as she was. She’d seen the way Lex looked at Clark, from the very beginning, that look had softened and evolved, but the idea was still the same. Lex Luthor wanted Clark. He was in love with Clark and looking at them now, together, she realized Clark Kent was in love with Lex Luthor too. 

“Shit.” 

“Chloe!” 

She clamped a hand over her mouth; she hadn’t meant to curse out loud and looked at Clark sheepishly. Clark hadn’t been the only one who’d had his mouth washed when they were younger. Actually it was entirely her fault that Clark had to go through the Ivory washing to begin with. Chloe had not cursed out side the privacy of her bedroom since, in fear of it getting back to Mrs. Kent if she did. 

“Sorry!” 

Clark smiled at her in return, “No worries. I won’t tell if you won’t. But I am heading home with Lex. I’m tired, I’d like to call it a day.” 

She could see from the corner of her eye that Pete was revving to protest but a look at Clark had him think better of it. After all, despite who was taking Clark home, it was very apparent that Clark was exhausted; a rare sight indeed. 

“You do look tired, Clark. We’re sorry that you couldn’t stay longer but it’s more important that you take care of yourself. Have a quiet evening and a good night’s rest, okay? Pete and I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Clark sighed in relief; he didn’t think he could have handled it if they’d pushed the issue. Not then, when he could still feel the burns on his leg and some blood still oozing through. Not when he could almost remember the smell of burned skin. 

“Lex, I need to get home, I think I’m going to be sick-oh shit too late.” Shoving Lex out of the booth, Clark made a mad dash for the washroom. Lex was quick to follow but Pete was quicker. 

Shoving Chloe in Lex’s way he whispered, “Keep him away.” 

Pete was inside the washroom and by Clark’s side within seconds. “Clark, man, it’s gonna be all right. We’ll get you home and work on whatever’s wrong with your parents help.” 

His only answer was more retching from Clark, but before Pete could ask anything or offer more words of support he found himself unceremoniously pushed aside. 

Luthor stood before him and between Clark, in front of the bathroom stall in which Clark was currently ridding himself of anything he’d consumed in the last decade apparently. 

“Never get in the way between me and Clark again. Next time your friendship with him will not keep you safe.” 

Dismissing Pete, Lex whirled around to crouch behind Clark. All he did was lay a hand on Clark’s back and begin to rub soothingly while the other found its way to the back of Clark’s neck, the tips of his fingers digging softly into the curls there. 

Eventually Clark stilled and all you could hear was his ragged breathing. Then mumbling, Lex bent lower, pretty much curling himself over Clark, ignoring the sight and smell of the bile to hear Clark’s words. “It hurts. Hurts so much Lex.” 

“We’ll make it stop.” Straightening, he managed to get an arm around and under Clark and heaved him up; Lex stumbled back when Clark came without any effort at all. God, how much weight did the boy lose? Hiding his horror, he managed to get Clark to a sink and washed up. The last thing the boy needed was the taste of bile lingering more than it needed to on their ride back. He’d have to do his best to make it as smooth a ride as possible. Which would mean actually driving under the speed limit! 

Water gurgled, face washed and clothes straightened, Lex asked, “Ready to head home, now?” 

“Yeah.” Clark mumbled, if he’d been tired before, he was exhausted now. He couldn’t even muster up enough energy to be properly embarrassed. 

Just as they were making their exit, Pete’s hand stilled Clark. Not bothering to even look at Lex, he addressed his best and oldest friend.  
“I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t really need to if you don’t want me to know. But we are going to talk. Chloe and I are worried - but more important you need to know that we care, a lot, and all we want is for you to be okay.” 

It was the most words Pete had spoken without cracking a joke, since Clark had revealed his secrets to him, if not even longer. Pete wasn’t letting go until he was certain Clark understood. 

“We’ll talk soon, Pete, I promise. I’m just not ready yet.” And as he made the promise he realized he meant it. He may not tell Pete everything, the gory details were between him, his journal and Lex, but he’d promised Pete a long time ago there would be no more secrets between them - and maybe it was time he kept his promise. Just, not yet. He didn’t need to seem even more of a freak in his oldest friend’s eyes, not any time soon at least. There was time enough for that. 

Pete accepted him at his word and let him go, sparing a glare in Lex’s direction along the way. Some things would never change. But Clark would never stop trying. As he reached the door, Clark turned to Pete and said; “Thank you Pete, it’s good to know you care. I’ll be ok. Lex’ll look after me, he always does.” 

 

******* 

Returning to Chloe, Pete just slumped into his seat with a deep sigh. 

She looked at Pete expectantly. 

“He threw up. Luthor told me never to get in the way when Clark needed help, and he took Clark home.” 

Chloe just rolled her eyes. “Yeah Pete, I kinda guessed *that* much. But you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed that Clark’s lost weight.” 

After Pete nodded, Chloe continued; “And from what I could hear of Clark’s conversation, Lex has noticed the weight-loss as well. I mean, he came into the Talon with food for Clark! I know you don’t like him Pete, but you need to get over your prejudice of him for long enough to realise that he’s on our side. He wants to help Clark as much as we do. And however much it hurts, right now at least; Clark seems more willing to accept help from him.” 

Pete sighed again, knowing Chloe was right. He could tell that whatever was wrong with Clark, it was a big deal – and that Luthor already knew more about it than he did. However, Pete trusted Clark; if he said he would tell him, then he would. When Clark had said no more secrets, Pete had believed him. 

“You’re right Chloe,” Pete said to start, knowing that Chloe *loved* to hear that, and smiling slightly back at the grin it produced. “Come on then, lets go to yours and blitz tonight’s homework. The quicker we get through it, the longer we have to brainstorm on how we’re gonna help Clark. And if that means accepting Luthor Junior, well, I’m willing to try.” 

Chloe beamed at him, patting him on the arm before dragging him out of his seat, and linking arms with him as they walked out to his car. With the basics of a plan finally in place, Chloe could breathe easier. 

When they reached the car, Chloe suddenly leaned forward and placed a kiss on Pete’s cheek. “I’m proud of you Pete Ross.” 

Then, without another word, she slid into her seat, and closed the door behind her. Pete just stood there for a second, blinking, before dashing round to the driver’s side, unable to wipe the smile from his face. 

****** 

Lex watched as Clark curled up into his seat, going as far as to take his shoes off so that he could pull his legs up to complete the tight ball he was making of himself. 

Though his breathing was beginning to regulate and it wasn’t sounding as raspy, Clark’s face was still scrunched up in pain. It would ease, but even the slightest of bumps would cause the pain to flare. 

Lex drove very, very slowly, giving him plenty of time to inconspicuously gaze at Clark. Or so he’d thought. 

“Lex, keep your eyes on the road,” Clark cracked an eye open, “I’m in no condition to be doing any saving.” 

And didn’t that get his attention, because if Clark could be ill, then there was the  
possibility that he could get injured as well. 

Never had a Luthor followed the rules of the road more thoroughly. Only once did his eyes shift to Clark, and it was only to see that the boy was fighting off sleep. 

The dark circles under Clark’s eyes made up his mind. “I’m taking you to the castle. You can rest there; maybe stay the night if it’s alright with your parents.” 

A small smile, “Lets just aim for the afternoon for now, kay? But, yeah, thanks, I don’t think I really want to face my parents looking and feeling like this.” 

Clark turned to lean his head on the window, but Lex didn’t miss the mumbled, “They have to deal with enough freakish incidents without adding this to the mix.” 

Lex intended to argue the point, went far as to open his mouth but shut it quickly. Now wasn’t the time. They’d conquer that after they’d discussed Clark’s rapidly diminishing size. 

******* 

By the time they reached the mansion Clark was half-asleep from sheer exhaustion. Unwilling to wake the boy up even from his half snooze, Lex chose instead to half carry Clark to his room. He shrugged off the offer of assistance from Enrique, only requesting that the car be put away, seeing as no assistance was required.  
Clark was startlingly light and if he so wished to, Lex was sure that he could have lifted him like a child and done the journey from car to bedroom without the slightest of struggles. 

Normally he would have taken Clark to the guest room, but his bedroom was the only place in the castle that was entirely his, even more so than his study, and thus provided him with the most comfort. If Clark was to feel remotely at home, it would be there. Lex gently led Clark toward his bed. 

Surprisingly the boy resisted.  
Clark felt heavy; his limbs weren’t cooperating at all, despite this, he was unwilling to lie down. He’d cooperated with Lex’s assistance in getting him upstairs, knowing it would have been close to impossible otherwise, and though he wanted to cause as little trouble as possible he was in desperate need of a shower first. The stench of bile continued to haunt him; he had no idea how Lex had managed to be so close to him for so long without gagging himself. 

Knowing Lex wouldn’t mind, he did not spare energy asking for permission before he hobbled over to the ensuite and took his time stripping, not nearly steady enough to attempt any kind of human speed let alone super-alien-freakish speed. 

Undressed he turned the hot water on all the way and stepped in. “Hsss…” the water stung the still open wounds through their dressings. 

Leaning against cold marble, Clark unwrapped the bandaging from all his wounds, one by one, letting them fall to the floor of the tub figuring he’d clean up later if Enrique didn’t get to it first. 

He was just too tired to care that he had a rich friend who had the means to have someone else clean up after him. 

Clark stayed and washed until the tint of red in the water draining subsided, having managed to brush his teeth while showering, he was satisfied with his level of cleanliness as he finally stepped out of the shower. 

Continuing with caution, he gingerly wrapped the towel around his waist, not wanting the cotton to get too close to his skin and irritate his injuries further. He also figured Enrique would appreciate it if he kept the amount of blood to wash off to a minimum. 

A great many slow steps later, Clark stood before Lex’s bed again, minus Lex, it was calling to him, but first, he needed clothes. 

Apparently Lex had read his mind, “I heard the shower turn off and thought you might like---“ 

Looking up he watched as an array of emotions flitted across Lex’s face. “Lex?” 

Lex stood in complete immovable shock.  
He’d been shocked in a warm, hot, arousing way when Clark had wobbled over to the bathroom without a word to get into his shower. As though it was something Clark did every day. He’d turned away and headed out the room when the flannel shirt had come off; knowing that fresh clothes would make Clark feel even better if he’d pushed himself to shower under his current state.  
But the shock he was feeling now … it was frightening. Blood freezing, mind numbing shock because if he had to acknowledge the reality of his best friend’s current physical state… 

Lex had seen Clark without his shirt several times, not enough for his raging libido but enough to be able to catalogue every inch.  
He could wax poetry about the perfectly chiseled chest and muscular arms, the form and strength heady, or the way how the honey like skin glowed under any light; embodying temptation, life and health. 

The pale wraith like form that stood before him now resembled little of the body that haunted even his waking dreams. 

Lex could count his ribs, and without the bulk of clothes, the angles of Clark’s face were sharper. There wasn’t an ounce of muscle or solid flesh on his body; just enough to cover bones. That’s all Clark Kent was, skin and bones. 

He’d seen Clark shirtless just the previous night but even as occupied as he’d been about tending to his injuries, he couldn’t understand how he could have possibly missed Clark’s current state. 

How could he have missed it? How could the Kents have? 

Lex was terrified at the frailty before him, having never come close to witnessing anything like it. Clark looked breakable. Not even when he’d found Clark on the cross, stripped down to his boxers and ill, looking much like the crucified Jesus, had Lex been this concerned. Because Clark had looked humiliated and slightly in pain but he’d not looked broken. 

This wasn’t the invulnerable boy who’d saved his life by the river, or the one who’d continued to save it and everyone else in the resounding area since that first meeting. 

Lex wanted to hurt someone, something, anything that could have resulted in Clark becoming this. He wanted to rip out his own eyes, feed his heart to the fires of Hades for having missed it. 

How could he say that he was in love with this boy and be so blind? 

He’d heard Clark’s query, but had remained silent and wasn’t really intending on speaking any time soon, but once the simple curiosity turned to concern, Lex knew it was time to speak up. 

“I brought you clothes, I think they’ll be a bit big,” he’d thought that they would be a bit small, considering the additional height and what used to be additional weight Clark had on him. Now the boy looked almost half Lex’s size. 

It blew his mind that such wasting away wasn’t evident. He looked, really looked at Clark’s face, the only part always visible to everyone, unmasked and open. 

It was more angular, dark shadows screamed out the lack of sleep and Clark’s eyes did appear more accentuated. Actually everything did. Like his skin had been stretched, making all his features even more ‘big’. So why was it only all obvious now? Clark’s hand came up to push an errant hair behind his ear, a still dripping strand. 

His hair, without his hair to hide his face and having just been freshly washed, Clark had nothing to hide behind. This was the farm boy in the raw. 

Clark was a master at hiding in plain sight. He’d used the thick curls, his usual slouching and ill fitting clothes to hide his diminishing size remarkably well. 

At the pale cheeks, Lex even wondered if a bit of blush for pinking cheeks had been involved.  
Did that mean Clark was aware? Aware and unconcerned about a body that looked ready to collapse, a body that looked close to death!  
Lex shook away the anguish and fury that accompanied that thought. Taking the few short steps needed to bridge the space between them, he handed Clark the clothes. 

Couldn’t help when his fingers lingered, in nothing but a towel, hair wet and curling around his face and neck, Clark had never looked more vulnerable and even that he did beautifully. 

Taking a step away and towards the phone, Lex rang the Cook asking that she prepare some hearty soup instead of Clark’s regular fare. She began bombarding him with questions, “He’s fine, really, just a bit under the weather.” 

He heard fumbling behind him and assumed Clark was finally getting dressed. Lex hoped that the boy hadn’t managed to pick up a chill from the delay. 

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that. Thank you.” 

Lex hung up and took his time in returning his vision to Clark, but when he did he wasn’t as surprised at how normal the boy managed to look now. 

Not drowning in Lex’s clothes, but still loose, not loose enough that they hid exactly how thin Clark was, just loose enough that it hid to the sickening extent. 

“I disgust you.” 

His head shot up, “No.” Lex’s voice was strong and sure. Clark could never disgust him, even if he turned green, grew antennas and fit every stereotypical image of creatures from the great beyond, because he was Clark. 

But Clark did not believe. He was sitting on the bed curled in on himself, much like he had been in the car. He looked so small and so young it broke Lex’s heart that bit more. It was lucky then that Lex was very good at convincing people of things they did not believe. It would be much easier when he was trying to make them believe a truth rather than a falsehood, especially when Clark was so very good at knowing when he lied. 

Settling beside Clark, he wrapped his arms around him, not hesitant in touching, familiar with the Kents first form of comfort.  
Clark did not acknowledge the hug, not physically or verbally. Lex nuzzled Clark’s neck, between shoulder and neck, and Clark jumped. 

“That tickles.” His voice was soft and quiet. Eyes turned down and away. 

Lex wouldn’t have that. Firmly grasping Clark’s chin he tilted it up. “You are nothing but beautiful to me Clark. You always have been and always will be. Nothing about you could disgust me, even if you put effort into it.” 

Before Clark could answer, there was a nock on the door, Lex raised his voice to issue, “Enter.” 

Enrique walked in, arms laden with Clark’s favourite treats, in addition to the requested soup. Chocolate, oatmeal and butter cookies, soft chewy brownies and a few of Cook’s home made chocolates. All that was missing was pie, and Lex figured that would follow their meal as dessert. Enrique placed the food on the small table by the fireplace and bowed, he did pause to say, “I hope you feel well soon, Master Clark,” before closing the door behind him. 

That did get a reaction from Clark. Just not exactly the kind Lex was expecting.  
Clark looked distraught, shaking his head as tears begun to slip loose, “I’m sorry Lex, he was so kind, Cook went to so much trouble, but I can’t eat.” 

“Why?” Lex hadn’t expected Clark to lead them into this conversation but he wasn’t one to let go of opportunity when it presented itself. They were going to get to the bottom of this tonight. 

“I can’t Lex. My stomach still hurts, the very idea of eating,” Clark paused to cover his mouth, and took a few slow breaths. He looked ready to gag. This wasn’t good, if the very subject of food brought this on. 

“So you stopped eating because eating made you sick?” 

Clark nodded his head, but it wasn’t enough. “Clark, look at me and tell me, tell me that you haven’t been intentionally starving yourself.” 

Looking startled and panicked Clark began to scramble backwards on the bed, muttering, “Why would you think that? Why would you think I’d do such a thing? I’m not trying to kill myself, Lex!” 

“Well you sure seem to be doing a good job of it!” His voice had risen and though Lex tried to, he couldn’t calm his breathing, until he looked at Clark’s wide eyes, filled with remorse, shame and fear. 

Slowly Lex made his way up the bed and kneeled before Clark. Hands held out he waited. Clark stared at them for an indefinite amount of time and just as Lex was getting ready to pull his hands back, Clark grasped them tightly, and Lex held on just as hard. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to sound the way it did. I know, in here,” he led their clasped hands to his heart, “that you would never try and kill yourself. There are much easier and quicker ways to go about it, but” now he tapped his head, “cannot ignore the signs.” 

Hands resting between them now, “I know you’re not trying to kill yourself, Clark, but that’s what’s happening.” Each time Lex said ‘kill’ they both flinched, but it was important for Lex to pound into Clark’s head that’s exactly what he was doing. It was time to stop with all the hiding. 

“Why haven’t you been eating, for how long have you not been eating?” 

“It kinda started when-“a huge yawn after which Clark spent a bit of time blinking, trying to shake the sleep from his eyes, but whatever wakefulness they’d been given was slowly leaking out Clark and Lex couldn’t force him to go on. 

“We will talk about this when you’re more awake,” Lex said quietly. 

Moving around to sit beside Clark, Lex leaned up against the headboard, urged Clark to rest his head against his shoulder, and watched as best he could as Clark succumbed to the allure of sleep. Dark lashes fluttered down to rest on slightly pinked cheeks, his mouth slightly open, which caused Lex to feel each exhalation.  
They would talk about everything soon, but for now, Lex would enjoy this moment of peace. After all, hadn’t he been concerned about Clark’s lack of sleep? 

With as little movement as possible he pulled the throw that was disturbed earlier over them both. One hand wound its way into one of Clark’s, lacing their fingers together, Clark unconsciously gripping them in return, while the other hand ended up in Clark’s hair. 

Lex spent a few moments just running his fingers through, patting, and curling the dark ringlets around his fingers and eventually in providing tactile comfort to Clark, even in his sleep, Lex had managed to soothe his raw nerves as well. 

In spite of the circumstances, Lex was still calmed by the close presence of his best friend, regardless of his physical or mental state Clark still somehow managed to radiate warmth, the warmth that had first attracted him to Lex. He told himself firmly; ‘After Clark has had a good rest, we are going to talk this through, and sort all this out,’ and with this final thought, Lex too surrendered to the warmth and comfort of the man curled up beside him, and drifted off to sleep. 

******** 

No more than twenty minutes after first drifting off, feeling safe and somewhat content for the first time in ages, Clark snapped into wakefulness. He had no idea what had awoke him, but he was wide awake, and left alone with his thoughts. The way he had been feeling of late, he was sure that this was not a good thing. Lifting his head slightly, he looked down at the face of his best friend, the man he loved, in an attempt to steer his thoughts in a happier direction. But instead, he just felt guilt. It was difficult to explain to someone who was used to seeing you as indestructible, that everything in life made you feel weak. That you were ready to crumble inside, and when that was the case, the last thing you wanted was to think about food. That your stomach was so wound up, tight and knotted, that the very idea of filling it with something … Then the reminder of burnt flesh. The smell and sight. It would take a few days for anything to be appealing enough for consumption. 

Clark hadn’t meant to lose so much weight. He hadn’t even realized it until he’d run out of holes on his belt. It was just … how could he explain it to them when he didn’t fully understand the reasons himself? 

He ate when he was happy. Food was such an essential part of the Kent home life. They sat around the table, around food, to swap stories, discuss their day, special events and not so special events. Heart break and bruises were tended to at the kitchen table. He learned his first words at his Mom’s side, while learning how to bake cookies. It was their bull pen, their boardroom, war room and court room. Food was a treat, a shared meal, or a consolation for smaller hurts. 

He was depressed. He knew that. It had been all he could do to keep the secret this long; but he was so ashamed, that he felt that he had had to. And in spite of his attempts, the truth came out in the end – as his father says it always does. And Clark was surprised at himself; he had thought that he would die of shame if Lex, of all of his friends, had ever found out about what he had been doing, but now? Clark was sure that Lex had took it better than any of his other friends would have, and the thought that Lex had survived something similar gave Clark hope that he really would be able to get through this. 

Clark was jolted from his thoughts as Lex stirred; he realised that his fidgeting could easily wake him, and he returned his head to Lex’s chest. Clasping Lex’s hand, Clark held it to his heart and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, trying to rid himself of all thought and focusing solely on the steady thud of Lex’s heartbeat, he managed to drift back off. 

****** 

 

A little over an hour later, Lex started awake at the round of the telephone. Before even looking for the phone, he checked on Clark, who was curled up beside him, head on Lex’s chest. Lex couldn’t help but smile gently at the slight, glad that his friend seemed at peace, even if only for a moment. 

The ringing of the telephone was quick to bring him from his contemplation of Clark, and he grabbed for it; intent on not waking Clark until absolutely necessary.  
“Luthor.” 

“Hello, Lex?” asked the kind, unmistakable voice of Martha Kent. 

Lex inwardly winced at the worry in her voice, feeling awful for causing it when it could have been so easily avoided. “Yes Mrs – Martha. Clark is here – I’m sorry we did not ring to tell you, but Clark was so tired when I picked him up, that he fell right asleep, and I have to admit that I did to.” 

Hearing the genuine remorse in Lex’s voice, and smiling slightly at his quickly amended almost slip up, any anger she felt vanished. She was just glad that both of her boys were ok. 

“It’s ok Lex. I thought he’d probably be over at the Mansion after seeing Chloe and Pete anyway, but Pete rang to see if Clark was alright…Lex, can you explain to me why my son is throwing up, and I had to hear it from Pete Ross?” 

During the time Lex had been on the phone, Clark had started to stir, but however faint the sound, Clark could easily recognise his mother, especially when at her most indignant. In spite of Lex’s attempts to soothe Clark back to sleep, Clark had started to sit up during the phone conversation, and clearly heard his mother’s question. 

Clark could see that Lex was unsure what to tell his mother, so Clark just leaned over and plucked the phone out of his hand. 

Forcing back a yawn, Clark said sleepily; “Hey Mom. Before you ask – I’m ok right now, but I think we need to have another talk.” 

There was a heavy silence – Clark could *hear* his mother worrying, and was swift to attempt to placate her; “Mom, please don’t worry. It’s just gonna be easier for you to see than talk about now. So Lex and I’ll be home in a half hour ok. I love you.” 

Hanging up the phone, Clark passed it to Lex with a tentative smile.  
“Is that OK? And I know I should have asked you that before I told Mom we’d both be round but...” 

Lex cut him off with a reassuring smile. “Of course it’s OK. I said I’d be there for you and I will. Whenever needed – all you have to do is say. OK?” 

“OK” 

“Right, now that’s settled, you need to eat something. 

Regardless of Clark’s protestations, Lex poured a small bowl of soup; which consisted almost entirely of organic Kent vegetables, and that Clark usually loved. 

“Clark, I want you to just try and eat this alright? Just a few sips. Please?” 

It was the ‘please’ that did it, along with Lex’s own version of Clark’s puppy-dog eyes, Clark caved. With Lex remaining beside him, a calming presence to an alien who still found the very idea of illness, well….alien, Clark started to eat.  
Slowly at first, just a few tentative little sips, but when his stomach didn’t recoil at the food entering his body, Clark quickly set to work on the rest. 

Taking the glass of orange juice and the napkin Lex proffered, Clark gulped it down and wiped his mouth.  
He closed his eyes and just sat for a moment, waiting for his body to rebel against what he had done to it. When nothing happened, he turned to Lex with a smile.  
Lex smiled back, glad that Clark had finally managed to eat something and hopefully, keep it down. 

Taking the empty bowl and glass, Lex placed them back on the tray before walking into his wardrobe, walking out a few minutes later with two piles of clothes. 

“I doubt your clothes will be dry yet, but these should fit you.” 

Clark opened his mouth to ask why Lex had clothes (including underwear!) in his size, but decided to just be grateful. It was a question Clark could always ponder the answer to when in the privacy of his own bedroom. 

Taking note of what exactly he had been given, Clark’s heart swelled, for even in this (for Lex) small gesture Lex had thought about the affect on Clark. Taking his still-healing wounds into account, everything was of the purest and softest quality; from the pure silk boxers, to the soft black cotton khakis and the snuggly purple cashmere sweater.  
Clark grinned at the colour of the sweater, but nevertheless inwardly thanked whatever Higher Being had granted him such a wonderful friend. 

After helping Clark with his still-healing wounds, rubbing cream on the burns and assisting in replacing the bandages Clark had taken off to shower, Lex excused himself to change. 

When Lex returned, he was pleased to find Clark eating a bread roll, and the sight of him in Lex’s own signature colour gave him a warm feeling in his heart he decided not to question. 

Clark himself, nearly choked on what remained of the bread roll at the sight before him; Lex Luthor, in jeans! And not just any jeans, these jeans looked like they had been custom made (which Lex was more than capable of doing), clinging to every curve – especially his buttocks! 

Swallowing so as to avoid the possibility of drool, Clark brought his eyes up from his best friend’s ass to his face. The teasing smirk that rested there made Clark smile even as he blushed. 

“They suit you Lex” 

“Yeah, they do don’t they?” Lex replied, with a waggle of his eyebrows that made Clark giggle. “And they have the added bonus of shocking the hell out of your father when I arrive in what he may deem ‘normal clothes’.” 

Walking to the door, Lex turned back to his best friend, still sitting on his bed, and said; “Well come on then Clark. Now you have declared me presentable, we’d best depart for the homestead.”

Accepting Clark’s small smile with one of his own, Lex was totally unsurprised when Clark took his hand as they walked down the stairs and hallway to the door.  
As they reached the car, Lex gave the hand holding his a squeeze and looked up at Clark. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time. I promise.”  
Clark nodded and squeezed back.

In spite of the fact Clark seemed to be keeping down the food that he had consumed earlier, Lex did not want to take any chances, and drove very carefully down to the Kent Farm; something he was glad about when he saw both Kents sitting on the porch awaiting their arrival.

Lex gracefully stepped out of the vehicle and started to make his way towards the house. However, he had only taken a few steps when he realised that Clark was not following him. Walking around to the passenger side, Lex opened the door and peered down at his best friend; he could see the fear clouding his eyes once more.

Placing a hand on Clark’s shoulder, Lex whispered; “It’s OK to be scared Clark. But just remember that you’re not alone. I’ve always got your back.”

Clark nodded slightly before taking a deep breath and straightening his shoulders, readying himself for the forthcoming confrontation.

Lex could not stop the slight smile at the sight of Clark bracing himself to talk to his parents. Holding out a hand for Clark, to help him out of the car, he was once again totally unsurprised when Clark failed to let go once the door was shut and the car locked.

Lex looked from Clark to the Kents and back again. Raising a pale eyebrow at the brunette beside him, he cocked his head towards the waiting adults and quoted quietly; “Once more unto the breach dear friend, once more.”

Watching their son laughing at whatever Lex had said, swinging their joined hands somewhat childishly as the boys made their way towards them, Martha and Jon were shocked at the transformation. After hearing from Pete earlier, they had been expecting obvious signs of illness; but after only a few hours with Lex, there was a shadow of the boy they had only recently realised had been missing for months.

However, by the time he had reached them, the laughter had faded, and the two adults could see fear and shame on his face, before he ducked his head and veered past them, still with a firm grip of Lex’s hand. 

He made his way into the living room, instead of heading towards the kitchen. He needed a different scene from the usual Kent gathering room. 

His parents had followed them in and settled across from him and Lex. As usual it was the lone woman that took the first brave step, “Clark, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

It was a testament to how worried his mother was that she skipped directly to grilling him for questions, instead of playing hostess. 

Clark opened his mouth and closed it several times, but managed to refrain from turning to Lex to have him explain for him. Finally remembering what he’d told her about showing her being easier, he stood from the sofa, and away from Lex to pull up his sweater and show them. 

His ribs got the idea across quite well. His mother’s hurt filled indrawn breath confirmed it. 

Martha felt like she was choking on air. She could not get air into her lungs, and certainly would have passed out had it not been for the reassuring touch of her husband’s hands on her shoulders. Leaning back and into him, she let her tears fall. 

She had wanted to be strong for her family, for her son, and thought she’d done a fairly good job thus far, but now, this … this was too much. How could she have not seen this? This was her boy?! Her baby! How could she not have seen him wasting away into nothing??!!

A hand, of its own accord, reached out to gently trace the ribs so aggressively poking out. She broke down into sobs the moment her fingers touched.  
This was real. Her son was truly this skeleton before her, it wasn’t some nightmare. 

Another pair of arms were around her, “Mom, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. Please, Mom, please stop crying. I’ll be fine. I’m going to be okay. Please …” and she heard a wobble in his voice, but it was the following, “I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry for all of this. I’m so sorry for having ever found you;” that had her pulling herself under control.

Angrily, she grabbed Clark’s face and stared hard into his eyes. “Never, ever apologize for having found us, for being in our lives. Never!” Shaking him, “You hear me??!!” Another good shake, and when all he did was nod she shook him again, “Say it, promise me, promise you will never say something like that again, not to anyone but especially not to me” barely keeping a sob in, she finished, “Especially not to me.” 

“I promise, Mom. I promise.” Clark was scared at his mother’s reaction but he was also warmed. He knew he was loved, he’d just forgotten along the way just how much that love meant. Holding her close to him, he whispered, over and over again, “I promise.”

Lex was behind him, a hand reassuringly rubbing his back, and his dad was hovering behind his mother. He was surrounded by the people he loved and for the first time in ages he felt their love, even Lex’s, especially Lex’s. Lex who had a personal bubble about a mile wide, who rarely touched, or smiled, or let anything of himself show, had let him into his home, his bed, curled up around him and fed him his affection. 

All the warmth from this realization took a bit of a dive at his father’s question, “Why?” 

Clark was certain Lex would have decked his dad if the desperation in the quietly asked question wasn’t so evident. 

He tried to pull out of his mother’s hold before moving back onto the couch, but she wouldn’t let go, so he took her with him. Lex was to his left and his mom to his right, and his dad sat back down across from them. 

Lex leaned in to whisper in his ear, “You don’t have to say anything.” 

There was a fair bit of menace underlying his words; it looked like Lex wasn’t going to be quick to forgive his dad for his conversational misstep. Smiling in reassurance at his dearest friend, he turned his attention to providing an answer for his dad.

He struggled and after a few false starts, he was able to put words together that he hoped explained things to some extent. 

“I can’t eat. I haven’t been able to eat properly in months. If it isn’t about being caught using my powers, it’s about what I’m willing to do to someone who’d put me in a similar position.” 

Bowing his head in shame, “I told you with Phalen, Dad, how much I wanted to hurt him. I was ready to kill him.” Looking up to stare into familiar eyes, “I’m so careful, always so careful. I can’t even stand seeing people on TV get hurt, but there I was, my hands around his neck, and I just wanted to crush him. It would have been so easy.” 

Clark brought a hand up to his mouth. Bile churned in his stomach at the remembered fury and emotional pain. After a few calming breaths he continued. “It sickened me. I sickened me. Then Jor-El introduced himself and all this talk about conquering, a God amongst men and …” Shaking his head to try and rid himself of the urge to cry, a few stubborn tears slipped past his restraint. “It brought Phalen back, and what I was willing to do and I thought, the darkness, maybe it’s a part of me, that, that moment with Phalen wasn’t an exception but possibly my norm.” 

“Clark, honey, you don’t believe that. We don’t believe that.” 

His mother’s voice was fierce in her conviction of the steadfastness of his goodness. 

“I don’t. I haven’t, not really. But with each meteor freak I’ve had to battle, with each power cropping up, with Jor-El’s constant badgering, the trouble I’m forever bringing home, the lies between Lex and me and all my friends …” 

Sighing, breathing, “It’s just been too much, I guess my appetite was affected. I started avoiding the cafeteria during lunch, not wanting to see accusing, angry or disappointed glares, depending on the day and who was there. I couldn’t go to the Torch in fear of Chloe deciding to drop by, and Principal Reynolds refused to let me eat outside, no loitering apparently. Having nowhere to go, even just to be alone, I volunteered to help in the library during my lunch break, but you’re not allowed to bring food in. So I stopped eating lunch. Then after school things would happen, I’d have a mutant to stop, or I’d have exchanged words with Chloe and Pete, or Lex, and I wouldn’t feel much like eating afterwards.” 

He looked at Lex, “Having you find out the truth was the best thing that could have possibly happened. You have no idea how much easier it is to breathe knowing that you know.” 

Lex offered him a small smile in return, but it turned to a frown quickly enough. “But Clark, you didn’t eat anything at the Talon, all you did was smell the food and you went running to the bathroom.” 

Confused himself, he held up his hands in a ‘heck-if-I-know’ gesture. “It’s been like that for awhile now. When I’m really upset, even smells have me retching.”

“It’s perfectly understandable, Clark. It’s a proven fact that emotional unrest can affects ones mental and physical state. You’ve made yourself sick, not just from the meteor-, sorry, Kryptonite, and your burning, but from the constant state of anxiety you’ve been under. But what concerns me is to the degree of your symptoms.” 

Lex, needing to touch, settled his fingers just above Clark’s wrist, and started rubbing circles there. To soothe Clark or him, he didn’t know. He went on. 

“Clark. Despite everything, you are still supposed to be invulnerable; you shouldn’t be affected by external cues to this extent, unless you’ve accidentally let too much kryptonite into your blood stream…” 

His heart stalled for a second, before it started beating furiously. What if that was the cause? What if Clark had harmed himself too often, that he’d somehow permanently weakened his immune system? What then? How weak had Clark become then? What was he susceptible to now? Was his immune system worse than an average human’s? 

“Lex, Lex, calm down!” Clark was waving a hand in front of him while another was wrapped around his shoulders. When had that happened? 

“Breathe, Lex. I’m fine.” At his raised eyebrow, questioning the veracity of such a bold statement considering what Clark had just admitted to, the boy acquiesced, “Okay not fine, but I will be. I’m better now. Isn’t that the first step on the road to recovery, admitting you’ve got a problem?” 

Cheeky, he wanted to kiss the innocently smirking lips. It was good to see some genuine mirth in the boy who had lit up his world with easy smiles, not so long ago. 

“I’ll give you that. But you understand my concerns, right?” 

But before he could reply, their little world was broken by the voice of the elder Kent: "Clark, I think it may be time for you to go see Jor-El."

*******

Lex focused his eyes on Jonathan Kent. Having forgotten the presence of both the elder Kents while listening to Clark and then his worry driven reply, he was a bit startled at the interruption into their world. 

Clark spoke before he could, “Dad, I don’t think Jor-El has any answers that we want to hear.” 

He watched as the proud mans shoulders drooped further, “He’s the only one who can provide us with any answers. We have no choice son, Lex is right. This isn’t normal. And the only way we can be certain that you’re going to be okay is to consult with the only expert on Kryptonians available to us.” 

Lex was floored. Had Jonathan Kent said he was right? He looked up quickly, then out the window, stretched his human ears in the hopes of picking up on a falling … something, because surely the Apocalypse was upon them. Jonathan Kent had conceded that a Luthor, Lex Luthor, who he’d worked at keeping Clark away from since the very beginning, was right. 

There comes a time in every man’s life where he has to choose between taking the high road or the low road, Lex was a Luthor. He smirked broadly at Jonathan. He didn’t have to do much else to rub it in. 

Clark of course had followed his train of thought and elbowed him, none too gently, followed by a quickly whispered, “Behave” before getting up. 

“Then let’s go. We might as well get this done and over with.” 

Lex gracefully stood, and then took the few quick steps needed to close the lead Clark had on them. 

“You sure about this?” 

It was important for Lex to know that this was something Clark truly wanted to do, not because of Jonathan or him, but for Clark himself. It was putting everyone else first that had got Clark in this situation in the first place. 

“I’m sure. Dad was right, who else to ask but the only remaining representation of the all-knowing prick that is my biological father?”

His thoughts flashing to Lionel, Lex was not sure who had been dealt the better hand. Shrugging his shoulders, he scrambled down the stairs and approached Clark, just as the pod floating before him lit up and a bright light filled the room. 

Whoa. 

******

The blinding light settled to form a hovering figure. Jor-El, Lex determined by the familiar jaw line, sharp cheek bones and large eyes staring back at him. However, Lex was relieved at a significant difference; unlike the ocean-coloured eyes he so longed to drown in, these eyes were a dull, emotionless muddy brown. Clark must have gotten his eyes from his mother. 

“Kal-El.” The voice boomed, echoing off the walls of the small space, cold and stern. It held none of the warmth that Clark’s soft timber did. Yet, it compelled one to listen. But Clark did not seem fazed. 

“Jor-El.”

Lex was accustomed to hearing emotion overflow from Clark’s voice. Along with all the boy’s sheepish head ducking, and averting eyes, it was often the only means by which he was able to determine the truth behind his words. The sorrow behind the lies that had so often slipped past his lush lips. 

Now the voice he loved was empty of all emotions. Holding nothing, not sorrow, nor anger, hate or pain. It was a void of nothingness. His heart hurt at the sound, Clark should never sound that way. Lex moved to offer some comfort, anything to bring back his Clark. 

“Be still, earthling.” 

Against his will his limbs went rigid, stopping in mid motion. Even his lips refused to move, his eyes alone were allowed to move. They followed Clark as he jerked around. 

“Lex!” He could not feel Clark’s hands frantically moving over him, attempting to undo what Jor-El had done, only watch. 

“This is an unexpected visit, Kal-El.” 

Whirling back towards his father, Clark shouted, with more hatred and fear than Lex had ever heard. 

“What have you done??!!” 

“What has brought you here, my son?” 

“WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE???!!!” 

“Unless you wish for him to remain thusly, I suggest you answer me.” 

Lex watched as Clark snuffed his anger, replaced by a façade of calm.

“I have been unwell.” 

The image flickered, “This is not possible. You can not be harmed.” 

Clark merely raised an eyebrow. Lex would have snorted if he could have. 

“Nothing of Earth can harm you.” Jor-El corrected himself. 

Lex watched as Clark shook his head and sighed. “Look at me.” 

Clark took a few steps away, pulled off his shirt and held his arms out. 

“What have you done to yourself?!” Jor-El almost sounded concerned. 

“Long story short, I’ve been hurting myself, during the process I’ve lost my appetite, to such a degree that at times, the smell of food alone causes nausea.”

A narrow beam shot out from the ship and encased Clark. Lex’s heart skipped a beat. Only the rationale that Jor-El did not go to such extremes to save his one and only son to kill him now, stopped his need to fight against whatever invisible restraints were continuing to keep him immobile. 

Simultaneously, the light around both Clark and Lex disappeared, and Lex was freed. 

“Leave.” It was obvious who Jor-El meant, but Lex had been raised by Lionel, it would take a lot more to scare him off. 

“I don’t intend to leave Clark.”

“You will have him leave if you wish for the purpose of your visit fulfilled.” 

Clark’s pleading gaze stilled his protests; he followed him towards the stairs. “Are you sure?” 

“I am, thank you Lex.” 

Breaking out of character, he pulled Clark into a tight hug, “Don’t do anything stupidly heroic.” 

“I won’t.” 

Lex didn’t glance back even once as he made his way out, not wanting to give Jor-El the satisfaction. 

******

“All right, Jor-El. He’s gone. Tell me.” 

“I am your father, address me with more respect.” 

“We’ve been over this. You are not my father, and respect should be earned. Please, if you care for me at all …”

Clark was beginning to feel the desperation of his situation. He was used to being in complete control and could not understand how he’d lost it all. 

The image flickered again. If Clark didn’t know any better he could have sworn that the hologram was distressed. 

“You have reached maturity.”

“Puberty? I’m eighteen –“

“I am not referring to what earthling’s equate to hormones. I speak of when Kryptonians come of age.”

“They become emotionally, mentally and spiritually crippled?” There was hysteria in the laugher that Clark’s question ended in.

“Compose yourself. Of course not. You have bonded. Given away a part of your eternal soul to a life mate, but you have not mated. You have not completed the bond. This has left you open to an unbalance of emotions.” 

“I don’t understand.”

“We Kryptonians believe our souls to carry weight, that they anchor us to our bodies, mind, and hearts. They are our essence. When you reach maturity, when you find your mate, you share a part of your eternal soul with the one it has chosen. Your soul has chosen its mate, but a soul has not chosen you in kind. At least you have not completed the coupling that would cement this exchange. It has left you half empty. Not as strong in mind, body or spirit; weak and vulnerable to the emotions that lie dormant in your heart. You, my son, are ruled by your guilt and hurt induced by your entrance into this world, the lies you live by and the pain you have been forced to hand out in saving others. This is magnified a hundred fold now, and you have channelled it in the only way possible that would insure the safety of those around you.” 

It was the longest and most civilized conversation Clark had shared with Jor-El, but the information he received made him miss the demanding, disagreeable version.

“What am I to do?”

“Copulate with your chosen one.” 

“And if I can’t?”

“Why can you not?”

“Because he doesn’t want to.”

At the certainty in Clark’s voice, the hologram of Jor-El sighed. “If that is the case, you can give into the grief and let death eventually take you. Or, through time and surrounding yourself by positive reinforcements, coming to accept that you are not responsible for everything and everyone, you can bring the levels of torment under control. You will in short, be much like those of your world who are categorized as clinically depressed. Most days will be good, but some days will be ten times as bad.”

“Those are my only options?”

“Yes.” 

“I suppose it could have been worse.” 

Jor-El said nothing. He simply hovered. Clark let the words sink in. Nodding to himself, he finally looked into the eyes of the image that bore his biological father’s face. “Thank you.” 

A flicker of surprise crossed features so like his own. “I do not wish you to die. Nor do I wish you unhappiness. Tell him. His response may not be as you assume.” 

Then Jor-El was gone. The ships hum quieted by decibels before it went silent entirely. 

*****

Clark locked the storm cellar door behind him, taking a moment to stare up into the starry night sky before turning and making his way back to the house; where his best friend was pacing the porch awaiting his return. At the sight of Clark, Lex stopped in his tracks, looking Clark up and down as if to reassure himself that Jor-El had not caused any harm.

Clark felt his heart jump at the sight of his best friend – a feeling he had become accustomed to once he had accepted how he felt for Lex, but it was also a jarring reminder of what Jor El had told him. Clark had sworn that he would not lie to Lex again, but he couldn’t tell Lex! 

Seeing the worry in the older man’s gaze, Clark knew that he could not lie to him. But neither could Clark tell him the whole truth. He knew Lex would never return his feelings; even if Lex wasn’t straight, why would he want a farmboy like Clark – especially now he knows just how ‘freakish’ Clark really is! He also knew how much the friendship meant – to both of them. Clark did not think he would be able to cope without Lex in his life, but he also knew that Lex would find it difficult if he lost Clark’s friendship, and Clark never wanted to put Lex in the position that he felt that he needed to push Clark away.

Finally standing beside the bald object of his affection, Clark leaned beside him against the porch fence. At the questioning look and raised eyebrow, Clark stated; “Apparently, I’m depressed.” 

Lex snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yes, and?”

Clark looked away for a moment before replying. “According to Jor-El, I have come of age, and am currently suffering from something not unlike ‘what humans term as clinical depression’.”

Taking a calming breath, Lex looked Clark directly in the eye and said; “Clark, even this ‘human’ grasped that much, but did Jor-El know why?”

Clark looked at his feet, unable to maintain eye contact. He would not lie to Lex.

“Clark?”

Strengthening his resolve, Clark returned his gaze to Lex before saying; “He explained it to me Lex, but this is something I’m just going to have to get used to.”

“Just tell me Clark, maybe I can help!”

“Look Lex, I promised you that I would not lie to you, and I intend to keep that promise. But you can’t help me with this. It’ll be easier if you don’t know.”

Lex opened his mouth as if to argue, before closing it and nodding in acceptance.  
“Thank you for telling me the truth Clark. I may not be totally happy about it, but it’s your prerogative; and I guess I’ve invaded you privacy enough over the last few days.”

Clark gave Lex a soft smile, and placed a hand over the smaller, paler one which lay next to him on the fence.

“Thank you Lex”

The two boys stood silently side by side for a moment, Clark once again contemplating the stars, and Lex contemplating Clark.

Clark was shaken out of his contemplation when he felt Lex step away, making as if to depart.

“Lex?”

“Yes Clark?”

Clark opened and closed his mouth several times without actually saying anything.

“Clark, I really should be going-”

“Will you still help?” Clark blurted out, interrupting him.

“Help?”

“Even though I haven’t explained everything, are you still willing to help me work through this? Because – well, I’m not human. I can’t just take a pill and feel better about myself. I cannot cope with depression quite like ‘normal’ people. I need to learn to live with this, and – and I don’t think I can do it alone.”

Lex had to restrain himself from wincing at the pain he could hear in Clark’s babbling tone, and quickly turned back to face Clark. He could see the fear in his eyes, his arms clasped around himself screaming ‘hug me!’

Lex opened his arms, surprised with himself by how quickly he had got used to both offering and accepting such physical contact – although only with Clark. “Come here.”

Lex saw the relief cross Clark’s face as he was quick to accept his embrace – as if worried that Lex would change his mind if given the chance.

“Of course I’ll help Clark. I’m ready and willing to help in any way I can. You’re not alone Clark. You have your parents – and Chloe and Pete if you decide to tell them. And I’ll always be there for you.”

Burying his face in Lex’s neck, Lex felt more than heard him whisper, “Promise?”

Threading a hand through the soft sable curls, Lex replied “I promise Clark. After all, that’s what the phone is for.”

After yet another ‘longer than is normal for two heterosexual males’ embrace (complete with a total lack of manly back-slapping), the two finally parted, and Clark walked Lex to his car.

Lex unlocked the vehicle and opened the door as if to get in. However, just before he did so, he clasped Clark’s wrist. “Now Clark, I reiterated my promise – I’ll always have your back. What about you?”

“I promise to call you if I need to.”

“And Clark – don’t wait until you feel like you cannot cope any more unless you start burning. If you feel a little down, or if you’re having any more problems eating, or even if you just want to talk, I want to know OK?”

Clark nodded, the gratitude visible in his face.

“So I’ll speak to you tomorrow?”

“Yes Lex. And Thank you.”

“No thanks necessary. And don’t forget to speak to your parents if you decide to stay for the weekend at the Mansion. Goodnight Clark.”

Closing the car door behind his friend, Clark waved as he spun out of the driveway.

*****

 

As the sound of an expensive automobile faded into the distance, the Kents looked at their son expectantly as he walked into the kitchen.

This time, unlike with Lex, Clark knew that he would have to reveal everything.

Taking a deep breath, Clark began. “Jor-El said I have come of age.”

“Puberty? Clark, if you grow any taller, I’m not going to be able to buy you trousers that fit right!”

“Not puberty Mom. A Kryptonian comes of age when they bond with another.”

Speaking for the first time since Clark came back in, Jonathon asked dazedly “Bond?”

“Jor-El says that I’m depressed because the bond is incomplete, and I will remain depressed until I complete it.”

That did not seem an adequate explanation to the man of the house; “Clark, what exactly do you mean by ‘bond’?”

Clark *knew* he couldn’t avoid that question, but wished it had been his mother who had asked. “Well, Kryptonians are kinda like penguins, they mate for life. Once you have chosen your bondmate, the bond must be reciprocated in order for it to be complete.

“So, if you can *chose* your bondmate, who is it? Lana, Chloe or Lois?”

Martha glared at her husband; annoyed that he was either ignoring. or refusing to acknowledge what she had told him earlier concerning Lex and Clark.

“You can’t chose who you fall in love with Jonathon. If you could, I would probably be married to a respectable Metropolis lawyer, and you to Nell!” 

Turning to her son, she smiled softly. “So Clark, what did Lex say when you explained the situation.

Clark paled. “I can’t tell Lex!”

“Why not?”

“Now Martha, he doesn’t need to share everything with Lex. I’ll agree that the boy seems to be helping Clark through a difficult time but that doesn’t mean that Clark needs to run to him with every little thing. He might just try and find Clark some society girl to bond with. He just doesn’t understand the differences in the way Clark was raised.”

Martha looked over at her husband shaking her head at the density he was exhibiting in that moment.

“Dad, I’m right here. You don’t need to talk about me like I’m a little child. I didn’t explain it to Lex because I need him too much and this might be just too much for him. I wouldn’t be able to handle not having him as my friend.”

Martha could see and hear the sadness in her son. She put her arm around him and gave a squeeze of encouragement. “Clark, I’m sure that Lex would still be your friend even if you explained how you really feel about him.”

“Martha, you don’t need to push the boy at him!”

“Jonathan, can’t you see…”

Clark moved out of his mothers embrace, stepping away from both his parents, radiating a tense anguish. 

“No he doesn’t see, he never will. Dad, Mom is not pushing me at Lex. She’s trying to convince me to tell him what I really want to. The reason I have to learn to live with this depression is because I have bonded with Lex, my heart chose Lex. My soul knew he was the one for me and I am so afraid that if he ever finds out he’ll leave. I have already asked so much of him, I can’t add a lovesick farm-boy to the mix.”

Jonathan winced at hearing his son declare his love for the Luthor boy. He had listened to Martha earlier that evening, but had been hoping she was mistaken. He should have known better than to think that the intelligent woman he married would be mistaken about something to do with their son. But he did not feel he could ever agree that Lex should be the person Clark devoted his life to. He would just have to convince his son that there was someone else out there for him. 

“Clark, I don’t think you have to tell Lex..”

Clark turned quickly to glare at his father. “Of course you don’t. If it was up to you I wouldn’t have ever told him anything. In fact, I’d probably still be hiding everything from everyone! You know I might have stopped burning myself and started to try eating, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to get better any time soon. Jor-El told me that the illness will be life long unless I complete the bond. He also said that if I’m not careful I could still die from this. I’m missing apart of myself. It won’t ever get better. Time can’t heal this, food can’t heal this, only Lex can.” 

Clark saw his mother reaching for him and he pulled further away. He didn’t want to be touched right now by anyone but Lex. Everyone else’s touch just felt wrong and unsettling. “I can’t talk about this anymore. I need to go to bed. Just…I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Clark went up the stairs two at a time and closed the door to his room firmly. He settled himself, still dressed, on the bed and cradled the phone in his hands. He missed Lex terribly and wanted to talk to him. He knew he couldn’t share why he was upset and that would only hurt Lex further so he closed his tear filled eyes and willed his body to sleep. 

It was several hours later, when his mind finally allowed him some fitful rest. 

*****

Thank god for Fridays. Clark did not think that he could stand the effort of avoiding Lana for another day; he needed the break that the weekend would bring. 

“Clark!” Would screaming be too disproportionate a reaction? Was there no escaping her?!

“Lana,” he only half turned to address her, “I thought you had class this period?” In fact he’d been sure to check, it was the reason why he’d bravely left the library during his own scheduled study period. They were approaching the end of the year; exams and SATS, so some of the more lenient teachers allowed for free periods for studying. Only a few were continuing with new lessons and chapter tests. 

“I did, but Mr. Whital let me out early to help sort out some problems with the Prom.” 

Looking at his watch he saw that they were only fifteen minutes into the period. Okaaay. He wouldn’t question. Not his place. 

“So, uhh, what are you doing here?” Clark had been aiming for the Torch Office when Lana had called out for him. 

“I thought I saw you leaving the library, and I just wanted to see how you were doing.” 

She had been seeing him all day, despite all his efforts. “I was trying to catch you all day but I kept missing you.” 

“Sorry.” Only thing he was sorry about was that she’d managed to catch him now. 

“Oh, it’s okay, it’s not your fault. I’m sure you just didn’t see me in all the bodies.” 

Yeah, okay. That worked for him. 

“So shouldn’t you get to that Prom business, especially if it was urgent enough to get you out of class?” He hoped he didn’t sound like he was trying to get rid of her, even if that was the case.

“Yeah, but I wanted to first see how you were doing. Are you okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sick before.” 

Now he was feeling guilty, she was just concerned, as any friend would be.

Softening his tone and stance, “I’m fine, thanks for asking.” 

She stepped up close and inspected his face before laying a hand to cup his cheek; it induced entirely different feelings from when Lex did it. Wanting to pull away but not wishing to hurt her feelings, Clark held himself in place.

“You know you can come to me if you need to talk, right? I mean, I lost my parents when I was small, Nell left me, Whitney left me, I know pain. So, who better to talk to about yours than me, right?” 

He would like to think the offer was made out of genuine concern, but he had been around Lex too long not to be cautious when support was offered from unexpected corners. 

“Lana, there you are. Mr. Whital said the office buzzed him to say the problem had sorted itself out and to have you head back. Clark, ditching study hall?” 

Saved by the Chloe, he was going to have to get a job just to fund the coffee he was going to owe her and Pete for all the saves they were managing these past few days. 

“No, just nothing left to study, so I got a pass to finish up some Torch stuff.” 

Chloe raised an eyebrow, unless Clark was following a lead all of his own, there wasn’t any unfinished Torch stuff. But the clinging Lana explained that she supposed. More than glad to assist with that endeavour, Chloe walked right up to him, and looping her arm through his, dragged him in to the office. 

“That’s right, Kent. You’ve been dragging your feet on your deadlines. I expect it all to be done …” 

Clark was beaming, he could kiss her he was so grateful. Nodding and murmuring yes’s and no’s to add to the authenticity of their conversation he allowed the manhandling. Chloe shoved him into a seat, randomly tapped a few keys on the nearest computer and whispered low, “You owe me, Kent. I’ll call you with my request later. Enjoy your peace for now.” 

Then she was out of the office taking Lana with her. He was so going to do whatever she asked of him. 

Looking at the screen it looked like Chloe hadn’t been tapping as randomly as he’d thought she had been. 

‘Coming out of the closet.’ The article was from a MetU student’s perspective. 

He was surprisingly entirely unaffected about Chloe’s insinuation at his sexuality, as long as she was able to keep it to herself – although he was unsure how he would react if she actually voiced it. He did not want his feelings for Lex to be spread around town before he got of the courage to talk to the man about it, if he ever got up the courage. He had not really thought about his feelings for Lex putting him into a new category of sexuality. He did not really think he would fit into any human categories of sexuality. He knew he would never be able to give himself to another, never love anyone the way he did Lex. 

Clark closed down the article and opened the lunch menus, checking for spelling and that the fonts would fit into the slot Chloe had allotted them in the paper. He was trying not to allow the sadness those thoughts had brought on to overwhelm him. Part of him felt like it had been fighting back tears all day. 

He was glad that his parents had given him permission to sleep at the castle tonight, and decided to focus on that instead of his sadness. He knew he should probably give Lex a call, knew it would help. But he did not want Chloe to walk in and overhear him. She was already too inquisitive about his illness, and she was way too smart not to figure out how strongly he felt for Lex if she found them talking on the phone in the middle of the day. Clark rubbed his palm across the bump on his thigh that the phone created, and then settled his hands back on the keyboard, ready to edit.

*****

Chloe found Pete starring off into space with a chemistry book on the table in front of him at the library. She quickly closed his book and dragged him and his bag to the Torch office. Pete started to fuss at her about needing more time to study when she stopped him saying, “Pete, Clark’s in the office right now and it’s the perfect time for us to talk to him without any interruptions. No Lana, no parents to run home to, and no Lex.” 

At the mention of Lex not being able to interrupt, Pete’s face brightened and he nodded his agreement. The two walked into the office and Chloe locked the door behind them, ensuring their privacy. 

“Hey Chloe, thanks again for the save. Oh, hey Pete. Did she save you too?”

Chloe just smiled and dragged two chairs near Clark and sat down, motioning for Pete to do the same.

“Hey, no, not a rescue. Unless you count dragging me away from my chem. notes before my brain oozed out my ears a rescue!” 

Clark rolled his eyes and laughed half-heartedly at Pete. He noticed that Chloe had dragged the chairs really close and kind of blocked any exit unless he barrelled through them. He knew that she was worried but he was hoping that she wasn’t going to actually call him on it. Looks like she was; and she had brought reinforcements along.

“Clark, I wanted to talk to you about whatever has been going on lately. Pete and I have been worried and after what happened at The Talon the other day, we’re even more worried!” She looked at him with wide, expecting eyes and waited for his explanation.

“Chloe, Pete, thanks for being concerned about me, but I’m doing okay.” He watched them both roll their eyes. “Okay, so not perfect but better. I really am. I’ve just been a little down lately.”

Chloe crossed her arms over her chest. She was feeling so aggravated that he was trying to hide this from her too. 

“Clark, feeling down doesn’t cause people to throw up and loose weight so dramatically. You are too thin. I didn’t want to be so blunt, but I think that you have an eating disorder.”

Pete looked over to her with shock. “Chloe, I don’t think guys have those.”

She smacked him on the arm. “Of course they can, you idiot. Look at him, closely. He is way too thin. He has been avoiding eating lunch and barely orders anything at the Talon, if he meets us there. Clark, what is going on? Talk to us.” 

Clark could see the pleading look in her eyes and the shocked look on Pete’s as he inspected him closer. 

“Okay, you’re right. I have been missing lunch and not ordering snacks at the Talon. But it’s not because I have an eating disorder Chloe. I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night and worrying about the farm and just…just stuff. It’s been weighing on my mind. I’ve been worrying so much that my stomach hurts and I can’t eat. Sometimes when I do eat I just throw up or feel even sicker so I’ve been eating less. Sometimes just the smell makes me gag.”

Pete could not believe that he had missed all of this. How did he not realize that Clark had been skipping lunch? Sure, he had eaten with his team-mates a little more often lately, but he thought he would have noticed Clark’s complete absence. Looking at his friend now, he could not understand how he had not noticed Clark losing so much weight. His clothes were too baggy and his face looked tired and worn. 

“Do your parents know?” 

Pete worried that he was going to have to keep a secret from the Kent’s. He didn’t think that he would be able to lie to them.

Clark saw Chloe look to him expectantly and he smiled at them both. 

“Yes, I have talked with my parents about everything. I’ve been working on getting used to food again, and I have been eating more. I’ve also been talking to Lex a lot. He’s been really great.”

“You went to Lex with this before you came to me or Chloe?!” Pete was so upset he was yelling.

“Pete calm down, yelling isn’t going to help.” Chloe turned back to Clark and rested her hand on his knee. She noticed the flinch and couldn’t help but feel hurt, but she continued to talk in a calm voice. “Clark, did you think we wouldn’t understand?”

Clark recognized the flash of hurt in Chloe’s eyes when he flinched from her touch, but he could not help it. It still felt wrong to have anyone touching him except Lex. 

“It’s not that. I didn’t really go to Lex about it; he kinda figured it out on his own and brought it up to me like you guys are now. He knows stuff about how I’m feeling. He went through something similar after his mom died and so I can talk to him and not even know exactly what I’m feeling and he still understands and gets it. I don’t want to worry you guys and I appreciate you being concerned, but I really am doing much better. I promise I’ll stop trying to hide when I’m not feeling well from you guys anymore though okay?”

Pete settled himself back into his chair. He could not believe Luthor noticed something was wrong with Clark before he did. He knew that the guy was always totally focused on Clark when they were out in public, but he was obviously looking a lot closer than anyone realised. Pete didn’t like it. 

“Clark, I’m glad that you are doing better but don’t you think this is one of those things that you should really work with your family and closest friends about? Just family and closest friends!”

Clark couldn’t believe that Pete was still on his ‘that Luthor’ kick. Wasn’t he listening to anything Clark had just said? 

“Pete, Lex is my family. I know you don’t like him but get used it. I’m not going to push Lex out of my life just to make you feel better. I need him.”

Chloe couldn’t help her shocked gasp. She only hoped that the bell signalling the end of the period had covered it well enough. She knew that Lex and Clark had become close friends, she just hadn’t realised that Clark was falling in love with Lex. It hurt that she would have to finally admit her chances with Clark were completely over but she took solace in the fact that Clark was gay and it wasn’t her, just her gender. 

Pete stood up and walked over to the door and unlocked it. He really didn’t want to leave things this way with Clark but he had to get to practice. 

“Clark, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ve got to get to practice but I want you to know you can talk to me about this, or anything. You don’t need to hide from me. We’re best buds right? Just…let me know if I can do anything to help okay?”

“Sure Pete.” 

Clark stood, feeling a little better than when he’d entered the office. “Just go easy on Lex and that’ll help out a lot!” 

He smiled as Pete left and the door swung closed. He grabbed his jacket and backpack, hoping to get out of the office before Chloe started in on the Lex interrogation. 

“Thanks for the talk Chloe; I think it really did help. But I told my mom I’d be home right after school so I should get going.”

“Clark, just one more thing, just between us. Does all this have anything to do with…with you being gay?”

Clark spun around sputtering, “My, me…what?!” 

“Gay Clark, gay. You can say it. I’m not going to freak out. I can tell by the way you acted to Pete’s newest tirade about Lex that you have deeper feelings for him than friendship. Is that why you’ve been so upset? Because you’re trying to figure out how you really feel, and how to tell the people around you?”

Clark just shook his head in wonder. Chloe was going to be one heck of an investigative journalist one day. 

“Yes, Chloe. That has a lot to do with everything. I’d appreciate it if we could keep this between us for now. I’m still not sure how to explain this to people, and I haven’t said anything to Lex.”

“Why not? You have to have noticed the ways he looks at you! I think he’d be thrilled to know you like him!”

Clark looked at Chloe with a disbelieving look on his face. “I don’t know about thrilled. Why would he want a poor, farmboy high-school student, with no life experience? Trust me, its better if Lex and I just stay friends. I’ll see you later Chloe, my mom really is expecting me.”

“Okay, if you say so Clark. Tell your mom I said hi!”

Clark left the building and walked to a deserted part of campus before breaking off into a full run. He needed to finish his chores and shower before he went to Lex’s tonight and he wanted to get there as early as possible.

*****

Clark strolled up the driveway of the Mansion, keying in his code and walking in. When he reached the door of Lex’s office, he realised how much better he felt just being here. Just being in Lex’s presence seemed to take a burden from him. 

Seeing that Lex was still busy, Clark shook his head at Lex, and walking over to the bookcase, grabbed a book and a cushion before walking over to the window and making himself comfortable in a patch of sunlight.

Lex watched his best friend relax under the waning rays, feeling as though he could see some of the weight lift from him. Smiling softly, Lex returned to his work, confident that Clark could cope for 10 minutes without him.

It was closer to a half hour later when Lex finally immerged from his work, glad to find Clark in much the same state he left him. However, Clark had immediately noticed his return, and was quick to mark his page and put the book aside. Scrambling to his feet, Clark followed his first gut instinct, and asked; “Everything ok?”

Lex smiled at him, appreciating that Clark asked and that Clark actually cared about his response; not just asked out of politeness but truly wanting to know. 

“Fine now, it’s just been a long day. Especially when I’ve been cooped up inside on what appears to have been a lovely day.”

“Oh! It has been quite sunny today. Lex, do you mind if we go outside for a bit.? The sun always makes me feel better, and you really should get out and appreciate what’s left of the day yourself.”

Lex had long ago noticed how the weather seemed to have an affect on Clark; how much happier, healthier and generally at peace he seemed when the sun was out, regardless of the temperature. So he was pleased that Clark had picked up his hint to go out, and agreed swiftly. 

*****

Once they had left the Mansion, Lex led Clark out to the rose garden, explaining that it was his Mother’s favourite place, and that he often came here after a bad day with his father; it made him feel closer to her.

“It’s a beautiful garden; I can see why your Mother loved it so much.”

“Well, it means a lot to me; I had this garden restored in her memory, and I really do feel closer to her when I am here. So it means a lot to me that you can appreciate it too.”

Clark could feel the sadness from his friend, and grabbed Lex’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze as he replied; “It’s so peaceful.”

“And that’s where my proposition comes in.”

Clark raised an eyebrow; “Should I be worried?”

Lex chuckled, and swatted Clark as he replied; “No, nothing like that Clark. I know you haven’t been eating at lunchtime, that you haven’t been that comfortable going in the cafeteria. So I just wanted you to know that you are more than welcome to come here.”

Clark was already touched that Lex had brought him to the garden, but the fact that Lex had been thinking about him, trying to come up with ways to encourage Clark to eat, and the fact that Lex was so willing to share a place that meant so much to him, with Clark, Clark could feel the emotion attempting to overwhelm him. He swallowed several times, rubbing a hand over his thigh, (where there were still several healing burns), the irritation distracting him from his emotions.

Until recent events, Lex had considered himself to be the utmost authority on all things Clark, but he could see what Clark was doing, and leaning over, he took the hand that was still rubbing over the burns, and squeezed for a moment, before wrapping an arm around him and tugging him into a light embrace. 

Relaxing into Lex’s arms, Clark felt the rest of his troubles float away, and resting his head on Lex’s shoulder, he whispered; “Thank you.”

Each perfectly at ease with the other in their personal space, Clark rested a hand on Lex’s chest and they sat there, together, in comfortable silence, and watched the sunset. They sat outside, crickets singing as the sky turned pink, until Lex’s shoulders started to hunch in the cool breeze and he tugged his jacket closer to himself, just a little, and Clark realised it must be getting cold. When Lex suggested they go in and see if dinner was ready, Clark agreed straight away.


	3. Attempt to Discuss Over Dinner

Over dinner, Clark told Lex about the confrontation he had with his friends – carefully omitting the extra comments from Chloe. Even though the incident had proven Lex’s earlier point; that Clark had more people who cared about him and were willing to offer support than he thought, Lex had simply smirked at his friend, refraining from saying ‘I told you so’. However, this information gave Lex the perfect opening to actually discuss Clark's issues and how they were going to deal with them. Allowing his smirk to fade, Lex placed a hand on Clark's arm as he said quietly, “We do need to talk about it though Clark. What you're going through, and how we're going to deal with it.” 

Clark's head dropped shamefully, his focus on Lex's hand still on his arm as he equally quietly replied; “But Lex, what's there to talk about? You know, my parents know, Chloe and Pete know. You all know how, how broken I am so I can't hide any more. I'll deal with it.”

Lex tightened his grip on Clark's arm as he reached out with his other hand. He tilted Clark's chin so their eyes could meet. “Clark, you are not broken, I certainly don't think that you are and I'm sure none of the others do either. Life itself is stressful, and you have another level of stress added to that which no-one can begin to fully comprehend. But you have friends, family, people who love you and are willing to listen and be there for you and actively want to help you get better! You need to accept that, embrace it and realise how lucky you are; because it is a much more painful and difficult situation to try to deal with alone. And you're not alone.”

Clark leaned into Lex's hand, which had moved from his jaw to cup his cheek. He just looked at the man who meant so much to him, who made his heart pound with love and at the same time ache with the thought that such feels would never be requited. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, and shut them as he shook his head, trying to get Lex to let go. 

Lex was both brilliant and observant, and had not missed the pain in his best friends face, or the tears in his eyes. Nevertheless, he allowed the movement, and let go of Clark completely; giving Clark the chance to fully turn away from him and try to compose himself. Given past confrontations, Lex was afraid to push when Clark was still so emotional. 

“I apologise Clark, this is not a discussion we should be having over dinner in any event. Let's just shelve the matter and finish our dinner. Cook made an apple and blackberry crumble when I told her you were coming over, I'm sure you don't want to miss that.”

Clark turned back to the table, and sent him a small yet grateful smile, as a member of staff walked in with the aforementioned crumble, together with a jug of hot custard and a pint of top-quality vanilla ice cream. 

Once they had the room to themselves again, Lex turned to Clark and said; “I have several business trips coming up over the next couple of weeks, and I was wondering whether you would be interested in coming with me for one of them.”

The idea of one on one time with Lex, away from Smallville, sounded like a dream come true to Clark. Possibly too good? If his parent’s would even let him go, wouldn’t Lex be too busy with whatever business stuff he had to do?

“That sounds great Lex, but even if my parents agreed, wouldn’t you be too busy?”

“You know I’m never too busy for your Clark, and besides, the easiest way to get your parents to agree is to focus on the educational aspects of the trip; try and give you some real first-hand experience of business meetings, show you round the facilities, and introduce you to some people. I was thinking maybe you coming with me to Gotham. I’m going to look at a potential business venture I’m thinking of acquiring for LexCorp, and a meeting with Wayne Enterprises. If you go with me, I was thinking about spending some time seeing the town and not just all the boring business stuff. And I can introduce you to Bruce Wayne - I went to school with him, and now I’ve managed to move out of Lionel’s shadow somewhat, he is interested in doing business.”

As soon as Lex had mentioned a hotel, Clark started thinking of how nice it would be to have Lex all to himself in a hotel room. But no sooner had that thought crossed his mind, he realized that it would never happen. He felt a wave of familiar depression wash over him at the reminder that he will never be bonded with his soulmate, and tried not to let the pain show on his face. He was obviously unsuccessful, as Lex quickly saw Clark’s change in demeanour and asked him what was wrong. When Clark tried to shrug it off and simply say there was nothing wrong, Lex made a deep sigh of frustration, pointing out; “One minute you’re smiling about going on the trip and the next, you are frowning. Something is up. Please talk to me Clark.” 

This made Clark feel worse, and he started moving the dessert around his plate, mashing it into small pieces rather than eating it. He knew Lex cared and was trying to help, he just also knew that this was the one thing he was lucky Lex had not found out, as he was sure Lex would leave him if he knew, and he would not be able to cope with that. But he knew that Lex deserved an answer, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“It’s not something I’m ready to discuss right now, but I promise that when I am ready, I’ll let you know.” Clark replied. 

Lex knew that that was the best he was going to get out of Clark, and nodded his acceptance as he returned his attention to the dessert in front of him.


	4. After Dinner

After dinner, they settled down in front of the fireplace in the Library; literally in Clark's case, as he lay on the rug in front of the fire, head tilted in the direction of his older friend who was laid out elegantly across the sofa

Lex watched the firelight reflect off the shining ebony curls and make Clark's skin appear to glow, and had to shift in position at the wash of emotions such vision caused. Sitting up, he tucked his knees under himself as he reached for his brandy glass; chuckling as he passed Clark his mug of hot cocoa when he stretched an arm in the direction of the drinks and made 'grabby hand' motions. Lex was glad that Clark seemed to be in a better mood, and passed Clark his mug before relaxing back into the sofa with his own glass.

However, his smile quickly faded as he passed over the drink, as despite Clark’s childish actions causing the smile, such motions also allowed Lex a glimpse of the bandages hidden under Clark’s sleeves. The sight caused Lex to wince inwardly at the reminder of Clark’s injuries and suffering. He paused, with his glass half raised as he watched Clark drink his cocoa obliviously. Lex is aware that he has to say something, Clark has to know that he is not alone and that he cannot continue to bottle everything up inside. However, they have already had quite lengthy discussions, and Clark has also had to reveal so much of himself; not only to Lex, but also to his parents and to Pete and Chloe. Additionally, Clark is having to deal with the fact that another person (Lex) now knows his secret, and deal with the changes that such knowledge will bring. Lifting his glass again, Lex once again stopped without taking a drink, before simply placing the glass back on the side table and focusing entirely upon his best friend. 

“Clark -” he is cut off by a heavy sigh from the teenager sprawled out on the floor in front of him.

“Please Lex, please don’t push this. I just- I just need to be normal. For once. For one day, I just want to spend time with my best friend and be normal. Please can I have that?”

Hearing the pain in Clark’s voice hurt Lex deep inside, as he knew that there was nothing that he could do to eradicate that pain - however much he wanted to. And Lex was not used to feeling so powerless. Lex didn’t want to cause Clark any more pain, and he had pretty much said all that he could say earlier. Nevertheless, Lex didn’t feel right just leaving things unfinished. He at least needed to make sure Clark didn’t bury everything inside again, because he never wanted to see Clark unconscious, burned and bleeding due to emotional pain that he could have helped with, not ever again.

“Clark I’m sorry. I know that you don’t want to talk about it any more than you have already had to, and I completely understand that. Being raised a Luthor comes with both advantages and disadvantages. One advantage is to have anything I want. A disadvantage is having a father that will do anything it takes, with no limits, to get his point across. You on the other hand have the most wonderful parents in the world, however, you have the biggest secret in the entire universe. I don’t think that I could ever understand how hard it has been for you to keep this secret. You’ve had to this out and reveal enough of yourself of late, and I know how hard that is. I’m not asking you to do so again, I just need you to hear me. I need to know that you heard what I said at dinner, and that you’ve really taken it in. There’s nothing wrong with how you’ve been feeling. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. And I promise that you will never be alone. I gave you the phone for a reason; to give you something tangible to remind you that I will always have your back, and that I will always be hear to listen if you need me to. I promise.”

Clark could hear the emotion in Lex’s voice, and once again his eyes welled up as the words and tone revealed to him how much Lex cared, and how much Lex was worrying about and for him. Clark knew that Lex needed some kind of response, but he was not as eloquent as Lex; and anyway, as Lex had said, he was kind of sick of having to talk about all this. So after a moment of simply staring at his friend in awe, he stood up and flung himself into the arms of his best friend. And, not unlike how he had embraced him at the farm, Clark immediately buried his face in his best friends neck, and simply mumbled a thank you. Lex was happy not to have caused an argument or any further upset, and was content to simply remain in the embrace for as long as Clark needed; deep down knowing that Lex himself would be content to lay in Clark’s arms for any reason.

And that was how they spent the remainder of their evening; for want of a better word ‘snuggled’ together, drinking their respective after dinner drinks, speaking quietly about more trivial matters, and generally simply enjoying the quiet comfort of the others company.

It is only when Clark sees Lex trying to hide a yawn that he realises how late it must be; as the once roaring fire that he had been staring into was now merely embers. 

However, this just reminded Clark of how much he had begun to hate night-time, as he had been having issues sleeping since the depression started, and unfortunately, this had not changed since they had realised what was actually wrong with him. He had become used to either insomnia or nightmares. When he was unable to sleep, he had taken to doing additional chores at night; sometimes making a head start on some of his father’s chores, to lessen the load when Jonathon awoke. And he had started to recognise the signs of a day that may lead to him having nightmares, so he had taken to sleeping out in the barn on those nights, in an attempt not to wake his parents, or cause any damage whilst tossing and turning. Clark realised that he would not be able to do this at Lex’s, and was concerned about how he was going to continue to hide his sleep issues from his friend, because although they had promised no more secrets, Clark already felt so guilty for putting so much on Lex already, he did not want to burden him with anything else.

Nonetheless, Clark also knew that they would have to go to bed eventually, so, loosening his hold on his best friend, Clark stretched his arms up and allowed himself a yawn of his own. Lex took this as his cue and rose from his seat, offering a hand to Clark to help him up as he said “Come on then Clark, I’ll show you to your room.”

As they walked up the stairs, Lex recognised Clark’s tension and mounting unease. Lex had himself suffered from bouts of insomnia for most of his life, as well as nightmares, so he was pretty sure he knew the reason for Clark’s disquiet. 

Lex stopped before the door to Clark’s room, which was next to Lex’s own. Opening the door, Lex waved Clark in as he explained “Right Clark, your bag has been unpacked and your clothes will be in the wardrobe there. Your ensuite is that door on the left, and just incase you get hungry or thirsty in the night, there is a fridge over there with your favourites; including milk. You are free to drink straight from the bottle if you so wish.” 

Clark smiled, knowing that Lex could see he was anxious about something and was trying to make him feel better. Lex could tell that Clark was still feeling jittery, so he just grasped one of Clark’s hands and squeezed. “Clark, you’ve been through a lot recently. And no-one is too old for insomnia or nightmares; I have both myself on occasion. Just try to remember that you are safe, and if you need me, my room is right next door. OK?” Clark nodded, and squeezed back. 

There was a moment then when Lex seemed poised to say something else, but a yawn from Clark jolted him from his thoughts, and so with one final squeeze, he bid his friend goodnight, hearing Clark’s quiet response as he closed the door behind him.


	5. Nightmare

Clark had expected to toss and turn all night, not taking into account the fact that merely being near Lex usually lessened his ennui. However, as he settled into the large, soft bed, he realised that he could hear Lex’s heartbeat. Focusing on the sound soothed his soul somehow, and he allowed his breathing to fall in sync with the heartbeat, lulling him into a deep, dreamless sleep; the most peaceful sleep he had had in some time.

It was several hours later that Clark awoke, as the sound that had lulled him into such a peaceful sleep had changed. Lex’s heart was racing, and Clark could hear him tossing and turning, as well as what sounded like distressed murmurings. Certain that Lex was having a nightmare, Clark did not stop to think about how appropriate it may or may not be for him to go into Lex’s room, rather than being focused on propriety, his focus was on making sure his best friend was alright.

He entered Lex’s room quietly, not wanting to scare Lex any more than it sounded like he already was. He had taken no more than a few steps into the room before noticing that Lex had started to calm down, his heartbeat starting to return to a more normal level, and the murmuring less distressed. But as Clark returned to the door as if to leave, Lex’s heartbeat increased again. 

Clark did not want to potentially embarrass his friend by waking him, (and he is sure that despite Lex’s earlier comments about never being too old for nightmares, he would nonetheless be embarrassed at being awoken by his younger friend) but he also could not consider leaving Lex to his nightmare.

The closer Clark got, the more soothed Lex seemed to become; although the nightmare did not cease entirely. Unable to resist, Clark stroked a hand gently over Lex’s head and down his jaw, savouring the feeling of the soft silky smooth skin. He felt Lex lean into the motion, and his heart warned at the sight of the soft smile that arose on Lex’s face. Clark knew he would have to comes up with another way to sooth Lex and release him from his nightmare, and other than waking him, the only other idea he had was to stay with him and hold him. Clark felt guilty, concerned that he was taking advantage of his friend, using the nightmare as an excuse to be close to him. However, when Lex’s nightmare once again seemed to worsen as Clark stepped away, Clark’s guilt lessened. He carefully settle himself on the bed beside Lex; remaining on top of the covers, but still close enough to keep the nightmare at bay. Lex automatically turned into the warmth emanating from Clark, reaching out for the comfort his presence seemed to bring him. Lex mumbled what sounded like Clark’s name, but did so so softly that even Clark, with his exceptional hearing, could not be certain that it was not just wishful thinking on his part. However, as Lex flung an arm over Clark’s chest, his hand resting over Clark’s heart, and snuggled into him, Clark clearly heard Lex’s contented sigh, saw him smile, and murmur the word ‘safe’.

Clark could not allow himself to fall back to sleep, knowing that he would have to leave shortly to whiz back over to the farm to do his chores, so he instead allowed himself the luxury of staring at the love of his life lying peacefully in his arms, occasionally stroking a hand over his bald head and rejoicing in the smile such movements brought to the sleeping man.


End file.
